These 10 Habits Totally Give Away That Someone’s Not Over Their Ex, According To Research
Signs someone is still stuck in their past.
Latino Life | Canva In the aftermath of a breakup, it's common to be inundated with conflicting advice from all sides: Have a rebound fling! Hibernate for a week, while wearing sweatpants, eating ice cream, and crying over bad romance movies! Go shopping and spend money you don't have! You deserve it!
Considering the whirlwind of emotions you feel when a relationship ends, any of these behaviors are okay. But what comes after that? And are you even ready for it? It can be difficult to know the signs you're in love with him or if you even have a chance of getting over that ex. After sharing a significant chunk of your life with someone, it makes sense that they'd remain perpetually in your thoughts, at least in some capacity.
These 10 habits totally give away that someone’s not over their ex, according to research:
1. Everything reminds them of their ex
You break into sobs every time you hear "your song." Your weekly date with Dr. House is just not the same without him. Not only that, but you have a running list of things you need to tell him when you see him, based on everything exciting, hilarious, and/or tragic that has occurred since you split.
Because who else would you share these things with? Well, your best friend, for starters. Your mom. Your shrink. Or — gasp! — a new man. Try to forget the lists, stop putting energy into the past, and instead bond with the people who are actually in your life.
2. You're lashing out in public forums
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You trash-talk him on Twitter and Facebook. At last night's open mic night, he appeared in your confessional poetry. And, honey, it would be better for all involved if you kept that song you wrote earlier today a secret.
While it's healthy to let out your feelings, if it's been several months and he's still inspiring your inner artist, you're letting history take precedence over the right now.
Lashing out or talking negatively about an ex in public forums can be a sign that you're still emotionally attached and haven't fully processed the end of the relationship. Intense emotional arousal when the topic of the ex comes up can also be a sign that there's a lack of closure. One study explained that this behavior often stems from unresolved feelings, anger, or grief, and it can be a way of seeking validation or attention.
3. You're overcompensating
You dress up in the hopes you'll run into him, and when you do see him, you make your life seem really, really awesome. Because, obviously, you're better off without him and — dude! — he's gotta see what he's missing! And you've got to realize what you're missing in making him the center of your life.
4. You have no interest in that hot dude giving you the eye
You have men throwing themselves at you left and right, eager to love the pain away. But all those guys hitting on you at parties and bars? They seem pretty repulsive right now.
When your ex calls, however, you pick up right away. (What? It could be important!) Try chatting up a new guy. You never know what could happen...
While having no interest in new partners after a breakup can be a sign of lingering feelings for your ex, it's not always indicative of a complete failure to move on. Research suggests that missing an ex and struggling to connect with others post-breakup is a normal part of the grieving process. Persistent lack of interest in new relationships, coupled with other signs like dwelling on the past or avoiding shared activities, might warrant further exploration to ensure healthy healing and emotional processing.
5. You compare everyone to him
Even if you think you're ready to start dating again, every time you meet a new guy, you make a list of all the ways he doesn't measure up to your ex. Once you're really over him, you'll measure men on their own merits.
6. You still cyberstalk him... in addition to all of his friends and relatives
The other day, while innocently wandering about Facebook, you noticed that a cute girl had left a flirtatious message on your ex's wall. So you attempted to hack into her Facebook account and scoured the Facebook pages of your ex's mom, sister, and grandmother for even the subtlest mention of either you or a new romance.
We want you to know: This is unhealthy. And possibly illegal.
Research suggests that continuing to cyberstalk an ex, such as checking their social media, can be a sign that you are not fully over the relationship. This behavior can be linked to a variety of emotional factors, including the desire to exert control, retroactive jealousy, or a difficulty moving on from the breakup.
7. They are unable to let go of their relationship mementos
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And by mementos, we don't just mean the gifts he gave you during the course of your relationship, like that Swarovski necklace or that cute winter hat. Because we wouldn't get rid of those, either.
Rather, we're referring to the more random stuff, such as those matches from the restaurant where you had your first date or the movie tickets from every single film you've ever been to together. Trashing them will be freeing — try it!
8. Seeing him still makes you go weak in the knees
Literally. You get the shakes. And you're sort of afraid you might projectile vomit. Which would be embarrassing. Sound familiar? If your reaction is this visceral, we're going to hazard a guess and say you're still not over him.
While experiencing physical reactions like 'weak knees' when seeing an ex can be a sign of lingering emotional attachment, it's not solely a definitive indicator of being 'not over' them. According to an article by Marriage.com, the phrase 'weak in the knees' often describes a feeling of overwhelming emotion or vulnerability, which can be triggered by various factors, not just romantic feelings.
9. You harbor the (not-so-)secret fantasy that the two of you still have a future together
And this misguided belief is keeping you from living life, or at least giving anyone new a chance. While no one can really know what the future holds, it's best to remember that breakups happen for a reason.
And often, that reason was a darn good one. If you're holding back on your future, it's likely that you're still stuck in the past.
10. You're still intimate
Sleeping with an ex isn't always a terrible idea, but it usually is. If you've recently broken up, you can't be intimate and expect that you won't remain emotionally involved. We know, we know. No one else has ever been able to do that to you. But still.
While research indicates that intimacy with an ex-partner is not always indicative of not being over them, it's a complex issue with potential implications. Some researchers suggest it can be a sign of lingering emotional attachment, while others find it doesn't necessarily hinder the healing process. Whether continued intimacy reflects unresolved feelings or a different dynamic depends on the individuals and the specifics of the situation.
Alex Alexander is a pseudonym. The author of this article is known to YourTango but is choosing to remain anonymous.
