5 Signs You're Being Verbally Abused — And Don't Even Realize It, Says Professional Counselor
Verbal abuse is often subtle, but not always.
Konstantin Postumitenko | Canva Verbal abuse sneaks into countless relationships. It's something millions of women and men endure daily. It's reported that one in four teenage girls in a relationship report that they've been repeatedly verbally abused, and one-third of women and one-fourth of men will have experienced some sort of interpersonal violence, research shows us.
Verbal abuse is as damaging as physical abuse. Because verbal abuse sufferers don't carry the outside scars and bruises, it can sometimes be hard to distinguish if your loved one is suffering.
Here are 5 signs you're being verbally abused — and don't even realize it:
1. You find yourself always having to think before you speak
Do you think before you speak? Not in the "I'm thinking before I'm speaking" kind of thinking, but then I have to think because if I say the wrong thing I'll get in trouble or be screamed at.
Are you being called names like victim, sensitive, crybaby, or any other derogatory pet name?
2. You can't remember the last time you had a good time
Your friends are always talking about the good times with their mates. All the times that seem to happen in your house are bad — yelling, fighting, arguing, name-calling.
You don't even like to go out anymore because you know exactly how the night will end: badly.
3. Your words are constantly twisted
Do you find that when you're upset at your partner or call your partner out on the abuse, he/she flips the story? And by the time they've finished, you've become the bad guy?
The abuser is so manipulative with their words that you can start a conversation with one intention and your words will be twisted until you end up in tears.
Timur Weber / Pexels
4. The voice in the back of your head tells you something is wrong
Does that little voice inside your head tell you to run in the other direction? Does that voice tell you that you're being treated unkindly? Does that voice tell you that something is wrong, even if you can't quite put your finger on it?
That little voice is right. It's your guardian angel, your inner voice. Listen to her.
5. You're subjected to passive-aggressive manipulation
This abuser thinks he's clever and can always fall back on the "I'm just joking!" line. You hear things like, "Why are you getting so upset?" and often find yourself confused for someone with "your past," even though he's "sorry you feel that way."
I want to give you a mantra to say until you understand that verbal abuse is wrong: "It's not me, it's YOU!"
Say this over and over again until it sinks into your brain. Never sacrifice your self-esteem or self-worth for someone who doesn't respect you and treats you kindly.
If you think you may be experiencing depression or anxiety as a result of ongoing emotional abuse, you are not alone.
Domestic abuse can happen to anyone and is not a reflection of who you are or anything you've done wrong. The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence offers this helpful checklist called "Am I Being Abused?"
If you feel as though you may be in danger, there is support available 24/7/365 through the National Domestic Violence Hotline by calling 1-800-799-7233. If you’re unable to speak safely, text LOVEIS to 1-866-331-9474.
Marina Sbrochi is the author of Nasty Divorce: A Kid's Eye View and the IPPY Award-winning author of Stop Looking for a Husband: Find the Love of Your Life.