4 Signs Someone's In A Destructive Relationship Without Even Realizing It, According To Matchmaker
It's not the relationship of your dreams, but your nightmares.
rilueda | Canva We have all heard the saying that relationships take work and a commitment to make them work. Indeed, relationships are not always easy but when should you draw the line on general relationship woes versus destructive relationship issues?
Staying in a destructive relationship tears down your self-esteem drains the positive energy from you, and can also bring out the worst in you.
Here are 4 signs someone's in a destructive relationship without even realizing it:
1. Your beloved uses fear, guilt, or manipulation to control you
A relationship is an agreement between two people who choose to love, respect, and accept the other person for who they are. It is a choice.
If you are in a relationship with someone who attempts to remove your ability to choose, this is not the other person’s attempt to love you but an attempt to serve his or her own needs and control you.
Some would even categorize these behaviors as abuse because over time they erode your sense of self and God-given freedom to make your own choices.
2. You both constantly fight
Often, when you are in a co-dependent relationship where there is an attempt to control the other person, fighting occurs. Consistent fight is a demonstration of a lack of ability to compromise and respect the individuality of the other partner.
What are the signs of a co-dependent relationship? Research says that low self-esteem, a need for control, a lack of communication, obsessions about where their partner is, and problems with intimacy all indicate a co-dependent relationship.
Pexels / Yan Krukau
Many people are caught in the destructive pattern of constant fighting because they equate this high-energy exchange to love and passion.
3. You would rather be at the dentist's office having a root canal than be with your mate
When you are in a relationship full of constant conflicts or even a lack of excitement and connection, it is a dread to come home or be around the other person. You may even love your partner but hate being around them.
When you are in a healthy relationship, there is nowhere else you would rather be than with the one you love. You should look forward to hearing their voice and seeing their face at the end of the day.
If you find yourself making excuses to be anywhere but with your beloved then it's time to consider moving on to attract a healthier experience.
4. The relationship is full of jealousy, insecurity, and a lack of trust
If you are in a relationship with someone who is always accusing you or questioning you about being with other people, what you wear, or where you go and you have never cheated or violated the relationship in any way, your partner’s lack of trust has nothing to do with you and everything to do with what is going on inside of them.
Without trust, you don't have a relationship. According to research, a lack of trust can accelerate relationship problems, and create emotional instability, conflict, and the intention to break up.
You may have had lunch or a telephone conversation with a person of the opposite gender and your partner found out understandably this may have broken trust but if years have gone by and they still throw it up in your face or don’t trust you even though you have worked to earn that trust back, your partner may be using your slip up to control you so that no matter what you do or how hard you work, you are in a no-win situation.
Many times there is a lack of trust for you because your partner may be the one who is dishonest or a cheater and are afraid you will give them back what they are giving you. Either way, you deserve to be happy and this is an unhealthy relationship that needs to die at the stake!
If you think you may be experiencing depression or anxiety as a result of ongoing emotional abuse, you are not alone.
Domestic abuse can happen to anyone and is not a reflection of who you are or anything you've done wrong.
If you feel as though you may be in danger, there is support available 24/7/365 through the National Domestic Violence Hotline by calling 1-800-799-7233. If you’re unable to speak safely, text LOVEIS to 1-866-331-9474.
Shay Levister is the founder and CEO of Shay Better Coaching and has been teaching smart and ambitious ladies for the last 20 years how to strategically position themselves in life and love, with soft power and science-based strategy.