21 Signs A Relationship Is Doomed & It's Time To Get Out
A therapist's inside look into relationships that simply cannot work.
RDNE Stock project | Pexels An unhealthy relationship is harmful to your self-esteem and confidence. If you have been in one, you know what I am talking about. You're often left confused and emotionally isolated, wondering if your relationship is doomed.
So, how do you know if your relationship is doomed? Here are a few signs.
21 signs your relationship is doomed & it's time to get out
1. There's no talk about what makes you great, only your flaws
They constantly remind you of your shortcomings and failures.
2. They use withholding as punishment
They withhold displays of affection and sex as a way of punishment.
3. They don't support your dreams
They belittle your dreams and accomplishments.
4. They know better than you about everything
They do not think you are capable of knowing what is best for you.
5. Their emotions are your responsibility
They blame you for their problems, mood, and overall unhappiness.
6. You can't do anything without them
They will make you feel bad for wanting to spend time with your friends or doing anything fun without them.
7. They level false accusations
They accuse you of things that aren’t true and this leaves you forced to prove your love.
8. They hold the money
They control the finances, so they can control your actions and how you spend your money.
9. You are blamed constantly
They insist on always being right, so you are always wrong.
10. You aren't good enough
They make you feel as if you aren’t good enough for them, therefore you should be thankful they are in a relationship with you.
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11. They use public humiliation against you
They constantly humiliate you in front of other people. Professor Alvaro Rodriguez-Carballeira has shown humiliation is a psychological abuse strategy used in intimate partner relationships
12. You feel like you deserve it
They don’t want to hear about your pain, except to reinforce you deserve whatever pain you feel.
13. It is all about your partner, all the time
They minimize your problems and always make their problems worse.
14. You feel guilty when you are not
They make you feel guilty about everything.
15. You can't make mistakes
They constantly rub it in when you are wrong.
16. They hold grudges
They bring up the past a lot and hold a grudge, as described by a study in Qualitative Psychology, Journal.
17. You don't matter
They ignore or exclude you.
18. They are mean
They tell mean, inappropriate, and demeaning jokes.
19. They isolate you
They get really angry when you speak to your family. They refuse to spend any Holidays at your family's house.
20. They use texting as a leash and for control
They constantly call or text you, when you are not with them.
21. They threaten — you or themselves
They threaten to commit suicide if you leave.
One type of an unhealthy relationship is emotional abuse. A qualitative study in the Journal of Emotional Abuse shows that emotional abuse is as damaging as physical and sexual abuse. Emotional abuse is meant to demean and humiliate. It comes in the form of actions and words. The abuser wants to control and dominate the victim.
Emotional abuse can happen in any close relationship, as supported by an analysis conducted by Keashly, and Harvey. It can also happen in friendships, and at work. If you are in an emotionally abusive relationship, it’s important to remember you aren’t the one who is the problem even though the abuser will do everything in their power to make you believe you are.
So, the question is, if you are in an emotionally abusive relationship, why do you stay? There is no easy answer to this. There are many theories as to why. But, no one has come up with one definitive answer. Is it a result of an unhealthy childhood? Maybe. Is it socialization? Maybe. Or, is it genetic? Maybe.
Lianne Avila is a licensed marriage and family therapist with a practice in San Mateo, CA, and is the founder of Lessons for Love. Her work has been featured in Psych Central, BRIDES, and Prevention.