7 Low-Key Signs The Man You Love Is A Gaslighter Who Will Make Your Life Crazy, According To Psychology
The subtle signs of a gaslighting nightmare.
Andres Ayrton | Canva What is gaslighting, and how can you tell if a person you're dating and falling in love with is gaslighting you? People with sociopathic personality traits throw out red flags and warning signs.
Ultimately, the gaslighting sociopath pushes you to a point where you start defending and doubting yourself. As he bashes your self-esteem, you lose faith in your sense of judgment, lose touch with your sense of self, and wonder if you’re simply sensitive. You know, like he says you are.
However, if a man does start treating you like this, it will not somehow go away. And if he is a sociopath, narcissist, or gaslighter, the evidence will continue piling up.
Here are seven signs a man is a gaslighter who will make your life crazy:
1. He always picks fights
You might notice that whenever you feel something is off, he'll quickly pick a fight with you before you can ask too many questions about the issue that had you concerned. This puts you off and leaves you less likely to confront him about whatever you think he's up to. Fights are healthy in a relationship, research from The Gottman Institute states, but only if it's done right, and fairly.
2. He apologizes too quickly
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Usually, getting an apology would seem like a good thing. He may even promise never to do it again. But once you’ve been through this routine a few times, you learn these apologies come so quickly because they are empty words meant to stop any further conversation and get you off his scent. Empty apologies, one 2021 study confirms, doesn't resolve anything.
3. He never accepts responsibility
Points the finger at others for his misdeeds is another way people with sociopathic traits try to weasel their way out of trouble. Don't be surprised if he winds up and suggests you are the cause of whatever he's done wrong. Accepting responsibility for our actions allows for a healthy relationship, research from The Gottman Institute found.
4. He frequently accuses you of being up to something
What better way to avoid being questioned than to shift focus by suggesting you are up to no good? Accusations from out of nowhere should make you suspicious about what else he might be doing.
5. He denies entire conversations
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Your sociopathic boyfriend might conveniently "forget" having said something to you or someone else. He may even fail to recall conversations. He'll flatly deny anything even remotely incriminating, acting like it never happened, which makes things difficult to argue about.
This is a common form of gaslighting and one that effectively makes victims of emotional abuse believe they must be crazy for thinking something ever happened to begin with. Gaslighting is one of the biggest signs of an emotionally abusive relationship, research from The American Sociological Association found.
6. He changes the subject — a lot
Another way men like this avoid responsibility is by changing the subject. Once he distracts you, he hopes the argument will lose steam, and you’ll forget about it for a while. So if there's a discussion you never seem able to finish with him, this could be why.
7. He belittles your feelings
You're justifiably upset about something your man has said or done, but he won’t hear it. Instead, he tells you that you’re being too sensitive or that you're overreacting. He discounts your feelings and doesn't seem to care about your happiness.
Don't forget, it’s all about him. However, if you notice several of these tactics popping up often in your interactions with someone, it’s time to wake up and recognize what you're dealing with, and that it will get worse, not better, over time. According to 2020 statistics, about 1% of the American male population are considered sociopaths.
If you've been in a long-term relationship with a man showing sociopathic personality traits and tendencies, don’t hesitate to leave and get help to recover faster. You may feel shell-shocked for a while after the breakup and need support.
If you just started seeing a guy who exhibits erratic behavior and uses these psychological tricks on you, walk away now.
Don't make excuses for his sociopathic traits or give him the benefit of the doubt. It's far better to be alone than with a man who manipulates you and has serious problems that will leave you feeling wounded and unsure of yourself.
Remember who you are and how you deserve to be treated, no matter your story. Don't settle for anything less than a healthy, lasting love that brings more joy into your world.
If you think you may be experiencing depression or anxiety from ongoing emotional abuse, you are not alone. Domestic abuse can happen to anyone and is not a reflection of who you are, or anything you've done wrong. If you feel you may be in danger, there is support available 24/7/365 through the National Domestic Violence Hotline by calling 1-800-799-7233. If you’re unable to speak safely, text LOVEIS to 1-866-331-9474.
Ronnie Ann Ryan is an Intuitive Coach, Past Life Reader, and author of six books. She’s the creator of the free audio course How to Ask the Universe for a Sign and Get an Answer Within 24 Hours. She's been published on ABC, BBC, and NPR.