7 Uncomfortable Signs You're In An 'Almost' Relationship That Won't Work Out
Deep down you know this relationship won't work out.
cottonbro studio | Canva You've been dating someone exclusively for several months. The person you're dating has some wonderful qualities, and you enjoy being with them and even their family and friends.
However, something’s not just right. You can’t really put your finger on it. You would like to give yourself completely to the relationship and yet, something is telling you that you should be looking outside the relationship and perhaps even date other people.
If this all sounds familiar, you may be in an almost relationship. That is one that is “almost, not quite.” These are the hardest to let go of because there is some good in them.
You may be telling yourself, “Things can change”, or “It just takes more time.” Let me tell you: in most cases, it won’t get better. Those things that bother you will become more pronounced.
It’s always difficult to leave the known for the unknown. What may be standing in your way of committing fully to this relationship?
Here are 7 uncomfortable signs you're in an 'almost' relationship that won't work out:
1. You like being with the person, but something key is missing.
You admire many qualities of the person and all the characteristics they possess. Yet, something is missing. For some, it’s something called chemistry.
What causes chemistry between two people? According to research, chemistry is actually just increased production of dopamine when interacting with someone you're attracted to.
You may not be that attracted to the person. Or there is a level of intimacy that you just can’t get to.
In a sense, you may be selling yourself short. Or you may be telling yourself, “The more I get to know her, the more I may be attracted to the person”. Yet, for many, it never happens.
2. They don't honor one of your core values.
Your values are the part of you that have to be in sync or you won't be very happy. You can only suppress your values for so long!
For example, you value open and honest relationships. You discover that your boyfriend has lied to you on several occasions. He says that he is protecting your feelings.
You want to give him the benefit of the doubt. Since this constant lying is driving you crazy and dishonesty is not something you can live with, you will ultimately break up.
3. There is some aspect of the person you cannot tolerate on a long-term basis.
When your girlfriend is on her best behavior you are totally in love with her. However, she is very moody and you never know which person will show up — the loving, happy person or the miserable, nasty person.
This is not a healthy relationship. What consists of a healthy relationship, Time Magazine reports, is practicing empathy, controlling one's feelings of stress, and having positive feelings about their partner.
You try to be supportive of her, and yet, you have to constantly be on your guard to protect yourself from Ms. Nasty.
This relationship becomes too hard for you to maintain and enjoy, so you decide to move on.
4. The relationship is not moving towards the level of commitment you hoped for.
You have been dating your partner for quite a while and acting like a couple in every way. Maybe you even live together or talk about marriage in the future.
Nothing is standing in your way, except that your partner is happy with and settling for things as they are.
You finally come to the conclusion that things will probably not change unless you make a drastic move, which puts you in the position of having to issue an ultimatum.
5. You don’t feel special or a priority in your partner’s life.
Your girlfriend is a socially active woman who has a very demanding job. To keep the relationship, you must accept being last on her list of priorities.
There are no guarantees that you will see her on the weekend as well. She likes having a boyfriend when she needs an escort but only when it is convenient to her.
You really desire a relationship where a steady girlfriend wants to spend her free time with you and will make you a priority at least some of the time. Eventually, you will leave this relationship for one that the woman can be more emotionally committed to you.
6. Your life goals are very different.
You are very taken with one another where there is chemistry, similar values, and interests. However, you are in very different places in your life. Maybe you want a family, but your partner doesn't.
You have to decide what is more important to you — your wants or the relationship. It’s a tough decision. Only you can decide what you can live with for the long term.
7. They don't understand your love language.
You are a very affectionate and open person. You like to hold hands, put your arm around your partner, kiss in public, and all that lovey-dovey stuff.
Pexels / shyam mishra
On the other hand, your partner is fairly private and uncomfortable with public displays of affection.
You feel that you cannot express yourself freely by holding back. They're uncomfortable with a quick kiss hello when you meet in any public place. Eventually, you'll get very frustrated with the limitations and will seek someone who is closer to you on the affection scale.
When we find someone we are attracted to and we like, we date them with the hope that it will grow into a more intimate, committed relationship.
During our time together we discover areas that we differ. We all have to decide how wide those differences are.
When the two people want and expect different things and those differences cannot be ironed out in order to find a livable compromise that works for both parties, that's an 'almost' relationship.
In my experience, after too long has passed, the couple will inevitably break up and seek to find a new relationship that is a better overall fit.
Amy Schoen is a D.C.-based national expert in dating and relationship coaching who's helped countless couples find love.