10 Reasons You Should Divorce Your Cheating Spouse
You deserve so much more.
fizkes / Shutterstock Lots of women in high-profile marriages seem to stay with their men after they're caught cheating. Is it a power thing? A comfort thing? Money, perhaps? Or, could it be a fear of being alone?
I'm in the business of helping marriages stay together. I work as a licensed marriage therapist, after all.
Should I divorce my husband or wife for cheating?
If you've caught your spouse having a full-blown affair, is staying together always a good idea? I don't think so.
While some marriages can be saved after infidelity, if certain conditions are present, you will be better off divorcing your cheating partner than trying desperately to make things work.
10 reasons you should divorce your cheating spouse
1. Past behavior indicates future behavior.
If your spouse cheated on you and you found out about it, there's a really good chance it wasn't their first time — and there's an even better chance that it won't be their last.
2. Your spouse threw your safety under the bus.
When your partner decided to have a fling, they exposed you to risk — risk that their paramour may have a disease and risk that you may become the target of their affair partner's rage.
I've had patients in this situation tell me they've been stalked, cyber-stalked, harassed, and even publicly slandered on social media networking sites by the person their spouse was having an affair with.
3. You respect yourself.
You deserve a partner who honors their marriage vows just like you do. Cheating is disrespectful to you and your marriage. You don't need to accept it or forgive it if you don't want to.
In time, your spouse's infidelity may wear on your self-esteem. When that happens, you could actually start to believe you don't deserve a husband or wife who treats you better.
4. You can devote your time and energy to seeking a new, healthy relationship.
You can either spend your time being miserable in your current marriage or you can start putting your energy toward healing emotionally and finding a new relationship that makes you happy.
5. Your spouse is a coward.
Your spouse has demonstrated that they are afraid to talk with you openly about their feelings and issues and instead, took the easy way out. They were not courageous enough to try to work things out with you, and that doesn't bode well for the future.
6. Your spouse blames you for their affair.
Let me make this crystal clear for you: it's not your fault. You did not make your husband or wife sleep with someone else. Your spouse chose to do it.
Don't let him put the blame on you. He needs to take responsibility for his actions and own them.
7. You're a role model for your children.
Always remember that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. If you want your kids to grow up and learn that it's not ok to put up with a cheating spouse, you will do the best by leading by example.
8. Your emotional and physical health is at stake.
Over time, the emotions you feel over your spouse's infidelity could make you feel stressed, anxious, and depressed. Your emotional health may then take a toll on your physical health. It's important to protect your well-being and stay healthy.
9. The longer you wait, the harder it is to make big changes.
It's not a big secret that the older we get, the more difficult it gets to make significant life changes.
Many people stay with unfaithful spouses for years, thinking they'll eventually come to their senses. How much of your life are you willing to sacrifice to see if that actually happens?
10. You could become the target of your spouse's rage.
It's incredibly common for an unfaithful husband in particular to become enraged when he sees his wife as a roadblock to being with his lover.
What if she starts demanding that he "get rid of you" to be with her? You know those stories of love triangles going wrong, where the faithful spouse is the one who ends up hurt? They don't just happen on the news and in movies.
Christina Steinorth-Powell, LMFT is the author of three books, including Cue Cards for Life: Thoughtful Tips for Better Relationships.