8 Rules The Happiest Exes Follow For An Amicable Divorce
A divorce attorney shares what works ... and what doesn't.
Cottonbro studios | pexels Divorce is never easy, but it doesn't have to be a bitter and contentious battle.
An amicable divorce is possible, and it can save you time, money, and emotional turmoil. This piece will explore tactics for a friendly separation and methods to ensure a seamless divorce process.
Here are strategies for an amicable divorce.
1. Understand what an amicable divorce is.
An amicable divorce is a divorce where both parties agree to end the marriage and work together to reach a fair and mutually beneficial settlement. This type of divorce is often referred to as a negotiated uncontested divorce.
An amicable divorce is beneficial for the couple and can have a positive impact on any children involved. It allows for a more peaceful and respectful separation, which can help children adjust to the changes in their family dynamic.
2. Weigh the benefits of an amicable divorce.
There are many benefits to an amicable divorce, including:
Lower costs: An amicable divorce can save you thousands of dollars in legal fees compared to a contentious divorce.
Faster process: Without lengthy court battles, an amicable divorce can be finalized much quicker.
Less stress: An amicable divorce can reduce the emotional toll of the divorce process, making it easier to move on.
Better co-parenting: By working together, you establish a cooperative co-parenting relationship, which benefits your children.
More control: In an amicable divorce, both parties have more control over the outcome rather than leaving it up to a judge.
3. Explore the strategies for an amicable divorce.
Choosing the right process will help you achieve an amicable divorce:
There are several options available, including:
Collaborative divorce: This is a process where both parties work with their attorneys, financial advisors, therapists, and other professionals to settle the divorce.
Mediation: In mediation, a neutral third party helps the couple reach a mutually agreeable settlement.
Do-it-yourself divorce: This option is only recommended for couples with simple and uncontested divorces.
Each option has its benefits and drawbacks, so it's essential to research and choose the process that best fits your situation.
5. Practice effective communication.
Effective communication is vital to an amicable divorce. It's essential to keep the lines of communication open and respectful throughout the process.
Here are some tips for effective communication during a divorce.
Listen actively: Make sure you listen to your spouse's concerns and feelings without interrupting or becoming defensive.
Use "I" statements: Instead of blaming or accusing, use "I" statements to express your feelings and needs.
Stay calm: It's natural to feel emotional during a divorce, but try to remain calm and avoid getting into arguments.
Be respectful: Treat your spouse with respect even if you don't agree with their opinions or decisions.
6. Focus on the future
It's easy to get caught up in the reasons for the divorce, but it's essential to focus on the future. By keeping your focus on the future, you can work together to create a fair and mutually beneficial settlement.
7. Be honest and transparent
Honesty and transparency are crucial in an amicable divorce. It's essential to disclose all funds and debts and be open about your financial situation. This will help build trust and ensure a fair settlement.
8. Consider your children's best interests
If you have children, it's essential to consider their best interests throughout the divorce process. This means putting aside personal differences and working together to create a co-parenting plan that is in the best interest of your children.
Real-life examples of amicable divorces
Here are some real-life examples of couples who achieved an amicable divorce, at least from what we can tell from a public perspective:
1. Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin
Actress Gwyneth Paltrow and musician Chris Martin famously announced their "conscious uncoupling" in 2014. They have since co-parented their two children and have remained close friends.
2. Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner
Actors Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner announced their divorce in 2015 after ten years of marriage. They worked together to co-parent their three children and remained on good terms.
3. Miranda Kerr and Orlando Bloom
Model Miranda Kerr and actor Orlando Bloom announced their separation in 2013 after three years of marriage. They have since co-parented their son and have remained friends.
Photo: Dmitri Ma via Shutterstock
Take it from a professional
I have been a practicing family law attorney in San Diego, California for two decades. Based on my experience, I know an amicable divorce can be achieved and would save you time, money, and emotional turmoil.
By choosing the right process and attorney, communicating effectively, focusing on the future, and seeking professional help, you can achieve an amicable divorce and move on to the next chapter of your life.
A divorce is not about winning or losing. It's about finding a fair and mutually beneficial solution for both parties.
Scott Levin is a Family Law Attorney, Divorce Mediator, and Certified Divorce Financial Expert who specializes in helping couples divorce amicably through mediation.