4 Tiny Red Flags That Make A Therapist Worry About Your Relationship
These subtle signs may indicate that your relationship is headed on a downward spiral.
Ilona Kozhevnikova / Shutterstock You're in a relationship and things are going smoothly. You feel like you and your partner have a solid foundation.
But how can you tell if your relationship is headed in the right direction? Are there subtle signs you should be cautious about?
Jeff Guenther, a licensed therapist and relationship expert, discusses the four small warning signs that should give you a pause in your relationship.
4 tiny red flags that concern a therapist about your relationship:
1. When asked what you love about the relationship, you say the chemistry is so hot it's hard to explain
Guenther starts by pointing out that the first red flag is when he asks what someone loves most about their relationship, and they respond with, "The chemistry is so hot and the magnetism is so strong, it's hard to explain."
It's easy to miss this as a red flag since it might not seem like a huge deal. Chemistry is certainly a great quality to have in a relationship.
Clinical psychologist Dr. Gary Brown writes, "While chemistry is a wonderful way to start a relationship, it tends to take a bit of a back seat for couples who have relationships that last longer than a few weeks, months, or years.”
There are other important qualities to making a relationship last, including shared values and mutual respect you. While chemistry is important, if there's no other positive you can think of, something may be off.
2. When you say, "We're so different, but we balance each other out."
We often hear that opposites attract, but how different can you be from your partner before it's too much? Guenther points out that if a client says, "We are so different, but we balance each other out," it's usually a red flag.
Differences over time can lead to greater arguments with your partner. And if you can't get on the same page you can kiss your relationship goodbye.
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As licensed psychologist Clifford N. Lazarus explains, “If there is an attraction between two very different people, it will be unlikely to stand the test of time, because compatibility and genuine long-term intimacy are usually based on similarities, not differences.”
Sharing similar world views, activities, and physical desires are all aspects of your relationship you should be in agreement with if you want it to last.
3. When you say, "We never fight."
A complete lack of arguing in your relationship is a good indicator that one or both of you isn't speaking up for yourselves. Guenther explains, "You’re most likely avoiding uncomfortable topics, which isn’t great for working through disagreements, which [are] normal and healthy to have in relationships.”
Learning to be comfortable in the uncomfortable is necessary for relationship success. Being able to express your needs despite that discomfort shows the level of trust and intimacy you have with your partner.
If you don't feel safe expressing these concerns then your relationship likely won't last.
4. When you say, "Everything moved so fast. It just felt right."
We all love a whirlwind romance, but there is such a thing as moving too fast. According to Guenther, moving too fast is likely due to your infatuation with someone.
Sadly, infatuation won't keep your relationship going for the long haul. And when we skip over the foundation we set our relationship up for failure.
Guenther says to slow down and be realistic about your relationship. Before moving forward, always weigh the pros and cons.
Adding to this licensed social worker Dr. Maria Baratta writes, “Dating is about trying to figure out if the person is for you. And that takes time.”
I get that it can seem as if this person is your soulmate, but relying on instinct alone isn't wise.
As Baratta puts it, what we call love is sometimes our desire to call something a relationship.
Knowing these little warning signs can help you and your partner address them together, ultimately strengthening your intimacy and connection over time.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, and family topics.