8 Reasons Why Your So-Called 'Perfect' Relationship Failed
Did you mistake perfection or was someone faking their experience?
PeopleImages | Canva Sometimes it all looks so good in the beginning, but then things start to unravel. You may even feel "crazy" when for seemingly no reason, what looked perfect becomes a chaotic mess. You stop and think, "Why is this happening to me?" Or, if it's the relationship of someone else, you wonder what they were hiding all along.
No, you're not crazy — and the person whose relationship seemed great may not have been lying. There are likely very good reasons a relationship that looks perfect falls apart.
Here are eight reasons a so-called 'perfect' relationship tanks.
1. You started hot and fast
A fire that burns too hot will burn out fast — the same often goes for the romance that runs on speed dial. If you both fell hard into a heavy and heated relationship without even thinking about taking it slowly, it may have put you at risk for failure. The foundation of true connection can't come in a matter of an instant — a good relationship takes time to develop.
2. You mistook your "OK" relationship for a dream come true
If you hear yourself say your new love is perfect, it’s time for your fairy godmother to wave her magic wand and wake you from your dream. We all have flaws, and it’s better to wake up to that fact early in your relationship before you get a dog, house, and kid together. Some flaws you can live with, some you can’t.
3. You didn't know the real person you were dating
It typically takes about six months for a person to let their guard down and take the mask of social charm off — only then will you see the real person hidden beneath it. After it's off, the character flaws and personality quirks show up and the true nature of your partner makes its appearance. At that point, it's time to decide if you want to stick it out or move on.
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4. You didn't realize they had baggage
Once you start dating someone new, you might find things hiding in the closet that will haunt you throughout your relationship. These are the ghosts of unresolved emotional baggage (i.e. a traumatic past relationship, childhood issues) that stick around. Seriously consider your limits and decide whether or not this relationship is one you can carry on.
5. You lost the romance
They were so romantic in the beginning — they hosted candlelit dinners and brought you chocolates when you were sick — but now their idea of romance is spending the evening on the couch with the remote in hand. Oh, and they want to order pizza so they don't have to stand up. You get the picture. The romance flew out the door, along with your relationship.
6. You found out they are a liar
No, you aren’t going emotionally imbalanced — you know a lie when you hear it. Lies are like rats and cockroaches; once you see one, you know there is more hiding in the nooks and crannies. Lying is usually the hallmark of character flaws, and there's no getting that trust back into a relationship based on lies. Take my word for it and put out the rat poison. You don’t want this in your life.
7. You discovered your emotions are incompatible
It looked so enticing and exciting while standing on the edge of your universe looking in. But, once you stepped inside, you found yourself in an emotional black hole.
Everyone has their emotional set point. An emotional set point can range from someone who gets hysterical and over-the-top intensity with someone who is deadpan and unreactive. You can live on the edge or hide under the covers, but the choice is yours. Do you want to go there? You should accept that their emotional "set point" is pretty much set in stone and save yourself the grief of trying to spark them up or settle them down.
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8. You suddenly became a "work in progress"
All of a sudden, out of nowhere, you get blindsided by the new “boss” in your life. This is where you are presented with the “relationship manual” that gives you instructions on how to live your life, what friends you can and can’t have, and the general policies and procedures for how to change to better yourself. All for your good, of course!
If critical and controlling attitudes step up to take charge of you and your life, how long will it take for you to realize this isn’t the job you applied for? These jobs rarely get better. They only get worse, so consider handing in your notice.
Joan Jerkovich is a Board Certified Life Coach, author, and podcast host.