The Reason Your Spouse May Be Cheating On You Comes Down To 5 Words
If your man strays, it could be because you don't do this.
twinsterphoto | Canva Being unfaithful to your partner doesn't always involve the urgent need for physical satisfaction. Someone may cheat because they crave the attention that they're not getting at home, or they may need to be reassured that they're still attractive even though they're no longer young and hot.
We all want to be desired and feel special and unique. One of the reasons that women get involved with men who are married or in a long-term relationship is that feeling that they can only give to their lovers; no one else can.
This is why the old adage "My wife doesn't understand me" still resonates—his wife may not appreciate his struggles and his needs, but the other woman might. Many husbands feel like their wives don't get it, with one study from 2013 stating that 30% to 40% of husbands feel this way. Writer Julia Anne Miller tells of sharing a cab in New York City with a co-worker who, with no previous intimacy, tells her of his engagement.
"'There's one thing I've always wanted to do,' he said. 'Yes?'
Here are the five words that may be why your spouse cheats on you: "'My fiancée won't allow it.'
'What is it?'
And then he unveiled his heart's desire: to lick a woman's toes before he resigned himself to a life without a quirk," Miller writes.
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To give someone the one thing they say they're missing from their life, whether it's a fetish or someone to listen to their troubles, feels powerful.
It must be a feeling akin to granting a pardon or donating a kidney (in a small way). You're powerful and capable of changing someone's life, and sometimes a woman needs that boost for her self-esteem.
Yes, cheating may not be the best method for achieving that sense of power, but it can be difficult to resist when it presents itself.
Salon writer Rachel Kramer Bussel discusses Miller's essay, and how her experience of seeing a married man made her able to relate to that feeling of being put on a pedestal that she wasn't exactly entitled to be standing on.
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Bussel writes about Miller's moment of indiscretion, commenting, "He successfully beckoned her into a seemingly 'us against them' vision of the world, or at least, of their stolen moment in the cab. She alone held the key to giving him what he most wanted in the world; who amongst us wouldn't feel a rush of pride and power at being presented with such an opportunity?"
While on the surface it may seem like the other woman is secretly competing with the wife, she's trying to fill the part of herself that feels empty and ordinary," Bussel writes, "The fact that he could be with his wife — for companionship, for discussion, for dates, for intimacy — but chose to be with me brought out something I'm not proud of, but that I can't deny: it made me feel special."
The moments where we feel extraordinary and exceptional are rare; ones where we feel divine, are even less so.
When someone allows you to fulfill their greatest wish or listen to their deepest secret, it can be very difficult to resist.
Christine Schoenwald is a writer, performer, and frequent contributor to YourTango. She's had articles featured in The Los Angeles Times, Salon, Bustle, Medium, Huffington Post, Business Insider, and Woman's Day, among many others.