The Real Reason I Had To Walk Away From Us
In reality, I was crazy — crazy about you.
tommaso79 / Getty Images via Canva By Kristen Buccigrossi
Things feel different now. The sun might not shine as bright as it used to, the music might not sound as beautiful as it once did, and the feeling in your heart might not be as bold as it once was.
With every step I take, everything takes on a new form. I feel just a little bit more of you slip away, and I know even as it breaks, I was right to walk away.
You may think it is because we don’t have enough time for each other. In reality, you didn’t make enough time for me.
I was the busy one. I was the one always rushing to be by your side.
I was the one who would go out of my way to see you, even if it would just be for a few minutes. I made a spot for you in my schedule and you couldn’t even take a moment to see if I was alive.
While married couples can make time for affairs and their family duties, you couldn’t even make enough time to pick up the phone to ask me how I was doing. You were always too busy living a life that didn’t include me.
You may think it is because I am crazy and wanted too much from you. In reality, I was crazy — crazy about you.
I did want too much from you, I wanted you to treat me with respect.
I was always looking for something more from you, always pushing for a future between us.
I was always seeking your attention. I was always pursuing a chance for more time, more effort, more of us.
I was always the one pursuing, and you were always the one letting me chase you into the unknown, with no ending in sight. You were always too busy letting me be the guy.
You may think it is because I found someone new. In reality, I would rather be on my own than in half of a relationship with you.
Where I am the one working for the both of us and you are reaping all of the benefits.
Where I am the one throwing my heart to you to play with and you are the one dangling out in front of me as if this is a game.
Where I am the one left hanging on to your every last word and you are the one using it to your advantage, coming back any moment you please.
You were always too busy playing the game to realize someone else’s heart was on the line.
You may think it is over because we just didn’t work, but in reality, you made me lose sight of who I was.
You made me begin to question if I was good enough. You made me question my work, my friends, my looks, my life.
You made me feel as though I was not up to par with the type of woman you should be spending your time with; I was not worthy of your attention. You made me question the person I had become, and with that, I had to let you go.
Kristen Buccigrossi is a writer and Pittsburgh on-air radio personality whose work been published on Huffington Post, Pittsburgh Tribune-Review, YourTango, and Unwritten.