The Question Your Partner Might Ask You Right Before They Cheat, According To Research
This particular query often happens right before an affair.
LightField Studios / Shutterstock When you’re in a relationship, likely the last thing you want to do is cheat on the person you love — or worse, find out they’ve cheated on you.
Despite the less-than-favorable attitude towards it, cheating is a common occurrence in today’s relationships.
RELATED: If You Cheat On Someone, You Want To End It With That Person
In fact, according to a survey of over 1,300 people that we conducted with married dating site Ashley Madison, 41 percent of people in relationships have considered cheating on their partner. What’s more, another 64 percent have been cheated on themselves.
To be honest, this number isn’t surprising considering the many, many articles online covering the topic. Just one quick search for why people cheat brings up millions of results.
The final answer, of course, is subjective. It varies relationship-to-relationship, so the reason someone cheats on you may not be the same reason your best friend cheated on her boyfriend.
Some people might have rather shallow reasons for cheating.
For example, an Ashley Madison 2018 study found that 52 percent of cheaters don’t think their partner is in good enough shape.
Or maybe people go on to have affairs because their significant other isn’t giving them the attention they crave.
Whatever their ultimate reason for infidelity, cheaters do give off subtle hints that they’re about to stray.
If you know what to look for, you can take the necessary steps to prevent cheating in your relationship (or even consider the ways cheating can supplement your relationship).
RELATED: 7 Unsexy Things Couples Should Do Regularly To Prevent Cheating
The biggest hint often shows up in the form of a question that gives away the state of the level of intimacy in your relationship.
And if your partner raises this one question, the chances of them straying (or at least thinking about it) are high.
So what exactly should you be on the lookout for, then? The biggest sign someone is going to cheat on you comes packaged in a question like this:
“Can we try something new in bed?”
Sure, it sounds innocent enough. But the emotions behind the question run deep and likely have been building up inside your partner long enough for them to find the courage to finally bring it up.
Take, for example, a first-hand account by a man named Dylan*, who has been using the married dating site Ashley Madison to cheat on his wife of five years.
Dylan said that cheating on his wife happened only after he realized they were “sexually incompatible.” He explained, “I'm always very attentive and am vocal and communicative about our sex life and what things we could try,” only to have her shoot his efforts down. “She never really comes to the table when it comes to sex,” he said.
And if you’re thinking that men are just sex-crazed partners who’ve set their expectations too high, it’s important to note that women need sex in their relationships too.
Sociologist Alicia M. Walker, author of The Secret Life of the Cheating Wife, spent time studying female infidelity and found that most of the women she spoke with “reported either a sexless marriage or an orgasm-less marriage” despite trying everything they could think of (“begging, pleading, inviting their husbands to therapy”) to improve it.
Our survey with Ashley Madison, which found that 90 percent of people believe regular, mutually-satisfying sex is important to very important, confirms that sex is an incredibly crucial part of every long-term romantic relationship.
Unfortunately, the survey also revealed that far too many people are not having the sex they want (and ultimately need) in order to feel loved and satisfied in a relationship, with over half of the respondents revealing that they’re not sexually fulfilled in their current relationship — 52 percent, to be exact.
According to Paul Keable, VP of Communications at Ashley Madison, this lack of connection is what leads people to sites like theirs. “What we find is that just because someone cheats, it doesn’t mean they are in an unhappy marriage altogether,” he said. “It sometimes means they seek out that one missing component, be it intimacy or excitement, and they don’t want to abandon an otherwise satisfying relationship."
There’s no magic formula when it comes to how much or what kind of sex you should have, but according to our survey, 58 percent of men and women want sex multiple times a week.
Another 27 percent would ideally have sex every day. Ultimately, it will vary with every relationship, and is up to you and your partner to keep the lines of communication open to discussing your sex life.
Micki Spollen is a YourTango editor and entertainment news writer. She also runs the travel blog Where In The World Is My Drink.