Psychologist Reveals 3 Basic Reasons A Guy Doesn't Call
Don't give up, he might still be interested in you.
Duren Williams | Unsplash If you have been going out with a man who seemed interested at first, and then he suddenly stopped calling and initiating plans, I have some news for you: Just because a man starts to show some distant behavior does not mean he has lost interest in you. He just might not be feeling it for you the way you want him to... yet. That's because men have a different emotional process when it comes to attraction and getting closer to a woman.
Here are 3 basic reasons why a guy doesn't call:
1. He doesn't know what to do with the connection you share, because it's not the right time for him
2. He doesn't know what to do with the connection you share, because he's not mature or capable of getting any closer
3. Something was said or done that tells him that a relationship with you is not a fit for him
There is absolutely nothing you can do about the first two reasons. No matter how amazing you are, a man who is not ready for a relationship will not suddenly become ready or mature because of anything you do, say, or are. But before you start thinking you may do something to "blow it" with reason number three.
Something is fascinating that goes on when you're first getting to know a man that you should know. Men listen well at the beginning of relationships and will be very honest about what they're looking for and where they're at if you know how to ask and talk to them about it.
I'm sure you've experienced that when you're dating a man early on, there's a kind of silent balancing act that usually takes place. Even if both of you are very interested in each other and feel that intense spark of attraction, if either one of you gets too far ahead, then it's likely to dampen the attraction.
What I mean is that simply blurting out something like, "I'm tired of dating, and I'm only interested in seeing someone if they're 100% ready to get married and have 2.5 children and live in a house with a white picket fence," is not a great way to begin sharing and learning about what you're both looking for and value.
Women who get that there is a more subtle balance between being outspoken about what they want and allowing the unique connection that they share to evolve on its own before they put boundaries around it are the women who have men feeding out of the palm of their hands. I want you to be one of those women. Are you ready to live the life and the relationship you know is possible by learning to master the single most important skill there is in a loving and lasting relationship?
I've outlined the reasons above why a man won't call, and I want to expand a bit on that since I know you want to do everything you can to have a great relationship with the right man. Communication is very important in relationships, and yet there is a largely unsaid phenomenon that can occur during your early interactions with a man that can result in him becoming distant. It's something that can end up causing you a lot of pain and frustration, and I want to help you avoid it. It's what I call the "Instant Relationship."
Many women, after knowing a man for only a short while, let themselves get wrapped up in an Instant Relationship. This is when a woman will already be thinking ahead that she is in a relationship with a man, that they will be spending all their weekends together, and that he will not be dating any other women, and this happens when the man has not even talked about a relationship.
Then the woman gets disappointed when it turns out he is not exclusive with her or is not making plans to see her on Friday. So, instead of putting all your energy into creating this Instant Relationship, focus instead on drawing the man you want in and connecting with him on an emotional level. This will shift you out of the kind of energy that will accidentally put distance between you and a man, or make you sound strange once you do talk (men sense this stuff right away). Here's how to do it:
Do you ever catch yourself thinking in a way that's all about some fear or worry you might have about your relationship? Everyone does. When this happens, there's usually a voice that pops up in your mind when you're worried or afraid of something.
When this voice comes up, acknowledge it for what it is. The voice is an expression of some of your fears or worries, but not the best of you. And the voice might be trying to tell you something it could be helpful to know, but the voice is rarely right. Being aware that the voice is not entirely you and is just a voice makes all the difference in how you live your life and the choices you make in your relationship.
Allowing the voice to speak for you, occupy your thoughts, and drive your emotions or feelings will not help you in love and relationships — especially with men. The voice is not your best self. It's a part of you, but not all of you. That's why allowing the voice to speak for you is allowing yourself to become an unconscious passenger in your own life. Do not make the mistake of allowing the voice to lead you. What wise women do, and what you can start to do right now, is to take from the voice some deeper knowledge of yourself and your feelings, and then let the voice go.
Observing the voice instead of allowing it to run the show is what can make all the difference for you and keep you conscious, more loving, and connected. Being aware of the voice, but then choosing what to do and say from a deeper place, your best self, can and will completely transform your life for the better. All it takes is a shift in the way you listen to that negative voice.
Lots of women have great lives. But as soon as they meet a man, they focus too much on giving to him or trying to please him. They will do things like give up friends, hobbies, and weekends for a man — only to realize that they "lost themselves" in the relationship. Question: If a man were to simply join you in the things you were doing in your life... would he have a great time? Would he see you living a happy and full life? Would he be excited to be with you and do some of the things you are doing? Take a moment now to think about this. Then write down three things you can start doing for yourself that will make you more attractive to the kind of man you want to attract. If you think calling, texting, emailing, checking up on him, and buying him little things will make him see what a great catch you are, I am about to save you a lot of time and energy. There is one thing that all men love and respond to, and it is one of the most simple but powerful secrets to leaving a man wanting more. This one thing is appreciation.
Men fall in love not when a woman gives, gives, gives to them, but through the process of having a woman they enjoy giving to. So if you are worried that a man will think you're not interested in him if you don't do the things above, here is what you need to know. All you need to do is show a man appreciation. Appreciation to men is what affection and reassurance are to women. Let's say you have a great date with a guy and you want him to ask you out again. All you have to do at the end of the date is thank him and let him know you had a great time with him. The trick is to express genuine appreciation without any "hook" or conditions to it. That's the way appreciation sinks into a man's heart and lets him know a woman is special, getting him thinking about her again right away. If you do this, I guarantee the right man will never stop calling and wanting to be with you!
Ange Fonce is a psychologist, international author, speaker, lecturer, and Peak Performance Coach. He is the founder of Dynamic Life Development Systems.