2 Tools Used By A Real-Life Psychologist Any Time He Gets Dumped
How to find grace in your healing journey.
Dean Drobot | Canva You got dumped, and understandably, you feel icky and are going through a pretty tough time. You wonder how you can ever get over the person you now refer to as your ex.
Other people make it look so easy — but it's not. Even a clinical psychologist has had to spend a good amount of time ruminating about his past breakups to find a way to get over them.
Where do you even begin? Do you angrily delete and block them on your social media, or do you try to move to someone else right off the bat?
Here are 2 tools used by a real-life psychologist any time he gets his heartbroken
Clinical psychologist Dr. Aria Campbell Danesh has been dumped before and has some great, practical advice.
1. Rediscover who you are
When Dr. Danesh gets dumped, he's like you and finds it easy to forget who he is. Like him, you might have spent many years with one person and grown to build your entire life around the relationship.
Which is why reverting or discovering a new self is so hard. We have to rewire our brains to no longer care about that person's opinion. So, how do we get there?
Dr. Danesh found it critical after being dumped to "focus on activities and passions you enjoyed before the relationship and take time to explore what a life that you love looks like now."
Don't get him wrong, this won't be easy. Likely, you'll find yourself reverting to old habits or unconsciously caring too much about what they say. However, the more time you spend apart, the easier it'll be to step into your new self, as suggested by a University of New Hampshire report.
2. Create space to heal
Spending time apart is the easiest way to get over a relationship. Dr. Danesh explains from experience, "It's so important to limit contact with your ex, to give yourself space to heal."
Time and space include unfollowing them on social media, blocking their number, and erasing old pictures that remind you of them. For some people, this might be seen as petty.
Isn't blocking them going too far? Do you have to unfollow this person just to heal? Dr. Danesh points out how he used time and distance to navigate his breakups, "Healing takes time, but every step will bring you closer to your true self."
None of this will be easy, and we often undermine how painful breakups can be. According to a study published in the Journal of Family Psychology, "A break-up may be associated with problems in mental health and a general decline in one’s feelings of satisfaction with life."
Give yourself grace in your healing journey. Understand it's normal to feel the pain of a breakup, but feeling your emotions will get through being dumped with time and patience. Moreover, be sure to share your heartache with a friend or therapist.
Ilona Kozhevnikova via Shutterstock
According to the University of Kansas Health System, sharing your problems can help:
- See problems in a new light.
- Easier problem solving.
- Get rid of the power of that feeling quicker.
- Decreases our anxiety.
- Can ease our depression.
Dr. Danesh made it through the terrible feelings of getting dumped and so can you with his clear advice.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, and family topics.