Pregnant Woman Asks For Advice After Her Husband Calls Her A 'Fat Cow' During An Argument
Should she forgive him?
Xavier Lorenzo / CanvaPro A 29-year-old woman turned to Reddit after her husband called her incredibly harsh names while in the heat of an argument.
Being pregnant, she’d dealt with numerous complications that affected her mental health, weight, and overall mood. Despite knowing all of this, her husband called her “a fat cow” along with several other choice words, which had readers scrambling to defend her in the comments.
But her story opened up a larger discussion about the escalation of partner violence, the inherent presence of fatphobia towards women, and relationship dynamics as a whole.
In the heat of an argument, the pregnant woman’s husband called her a 'fat cow,’ admitting later that he’d done it to intentionally ‘hurt’ her.
“I used to be in very good shape and I’d go to the gym 3 to 4 times per week,” the woman wrote. “I’ve had a lot of complications with this pregnancy and I haven’t been able to do a lot of physical activity.”
However, she wasn’t overly concerned with her weight gain. After several trips to the doctor, she’d actually been informed that she was “underweight” according to typical measurements of fetal and maternal growth.
Of course, her husband knew all of this and still decided to target her pregnancy as a means of cruelty. “The other day, my husband and I got into an argument, and he called me a fat cow and a [expletive].”
Trying to justify the hurtful comments, the woman said she’d struggled with ‘physical activity’ and weight.
Initially shocked by her husband’s name-calling, she confessed that his hurtful words had been looming over her head for weeks despite his “apology.”
“He says he’s sorry,” she wrote, “and that he only said it because he knew it would hurt me, but I haven’t been able to forgive him.”
Photo: PonyWang / Canva Pro
Not only has it hurt her emotionally, but she’s noticed herself being more closed off to him, in general. She's started feeling uncomfortable undressing in front of him and showing him her belly.
“I can’t bring myself to tell him that I love him or show any real affection towards him anymore. How should I continue this relationship?” she asked Redditors.
Despite her willingness to move past the argument with the right advice, commenters pointed to a more sinister reason why she should take a step back. Not only are partner violence rates much higher when there’s a pregnancy involved, but the number one cause of death for pregnant women is homicide.
Commenters warned the woman, especially because she's pregnant, that her husband's behavior could 'escalate' over time.
“A lot of abuse escalates or begins when the victim is pregnant or in some state that the abuser feels she can’t leave,” one commenter wrote. “Maybe he is emotionally abusing you or gearing up to start.” Many victims of this kind of partner abuse confessed to never expecting that their partner was capable of such cruelty.
It’s exactly the kind of situation this woman could find herself in. Redditors urged her to seek advice from friends and at the very least plan an “exit strategy” if things escalate.
Photo: SDI Productions / Canva Pro
Of course, there’s an entirely different conversation on the derogatory framing of the word “fat” towards this woman — especially while pregnant — but commenters were more concerned with the poster’s safety.
“People have arguments all the time. People say things they don’t mean,” a Redditor wrote. “But it takes a special kind of contempt to say something like that to a woman carrying your child. Please remember that if he can say this now, at such a time, over such an argument, he will say it again. Next time, it could be your child hearing it.”
If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence or the threat of domestic violence, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233), or go to www.thehotline.org.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a news and entertainment writer at YourTango focusing on pop culture and human interest stories.