People With These 5 Personality Traits Most Likely To End Up Divorced
These personality traits don't work well in a marriage.
InesBazdar | Shutterstock No one goes into marriage wanting or expecting to get divorced. No matter who you are or which personality traits you and your partner possess, men and women alike enter the institution of marriage with bright, happy dreams of living happily ever after still madly in love. And yet, while divorce statistics are complex and the overall divorce rate in the United States is declining, the unfortunate truth remains that many marriages today still end in divorce.
My marriage ended in divorce after 18 years. Since then, I've learned through both personal and professional experience much more about what it takes to make a marriage work — and along the way, I've learned how to spot a couple whose marriage I know just will not make it from at least 50 yards away. There are no guarantees in life, but when it comes to making predictions, marriages between men and women with these 5 dominant personality traits are the most likely to end in divorce.
People with these 5 personality traits are most likely to end up divorced:
1. Unrealistic
Often, when people enter into marriage, they believe that they have found their soul mate, that this person will be their lover and their best friend and the father or mother of their children whose love will guide them through it all. Unfortunately, these expectations just aren’t based on reality. No one can be everything to one person. Expecting someone to be everything to you is setting yourself up for disappointment. People in the healthiest marriages are people who have many people in their lives as friends, mentors, and sources of support. So, go ahead and marry that amazing man or woman of yours, but be realistic in your expectations of what your relationship will look like, and don’t set yourself up for disappointment.
2. Non-communicative
People who are most likely to get divorced have difficulty communicating. They are unable to talk about their feelings or to listen to others talk about theirs. Marriage is a lifetime journey and two people occupying the same space for such a long time can be challenging. To manage it effectively, a healthy flow of communication is critical.
When issues arise, it's important to address them head-on through clearly spoken words and active listening. It's important that there be a give and take so everyone’s needs are met and both people feel safe and secure in the marriage. When couples don’t communicate, one or both partners are highly likely to start looking elsewhere to get what they need and cannot figure out how to get with their marriage.
3. Entitled
These are people who expect their husband or wife to be able to read their mind. How many times have you thought, "He should know that I need him to pay attention to me after the kids go to bed? Who wouldn’t want that?" Yes, in the movies, the hero is always able to look at someone and guess intuitively what they need, but, unfortunately, that's not how people work in real life. If you want something, ask for it. Tell your partner specifically what you need so they can give it to you. Most men and women want to do what they can to make the person they love happy, but when you expect them to read your mind, you're setting yourself up for disappointment and then for frustration.
4. Hyper-sensitive
I have a client who takes everything personally. She asked her husband to stop on his way home from work and look at the countertop she'd chosen to replace the one in the kitchen. Unfortunately, he forgot. Work got busy and then he got hungry and he just forgot. My client, instead of being understanding, took his actions as a reflection of his feelings for her. "If you loved me," she said to him, "you would have remembered to look at the countertop."
And after 15 years of receiving this kind of response to his every action, this man moved on from his wife one month ago. It's important to remember that other people’s actions are not necessarily a reflection of the way they feel about you. Of course, sometimes they are, but if you think every action your partner takes is a reflection of their feelings for you, your marriage is doomed. If your spouse lets you down, let them know, but don’t assume they did what they did because they don’t love you. Most likely, he does.
5. Inflexible
It's my personal belief that the number one reason divorce happens is because people refuse to change. Over the years and decades of any marriage, it's natural for both people to evolve in any number of ways. After 20 years of marriage, I was a different person than the bright-eyed and naive girl who walked down the aisle on my wedding day.
When my husband and I realized we were no longer seeing things eye to eye, we went to therapy, and in therapy, we both identified things that needed to change if we were going to be able to stay married. Unfortunately, the things that needed to be changed, including my lack of interest in intimacy and his high interest in drinking, weren't changeable. We tried, but ultimately, we failed, and we went our separate ways. When faced with the need to make some changes to save your marriage, work hard to do so. Divorce is hard and if you can do anything to stop it, do it!
Marriage is messy. We all enter into it with the best intentions, but we often get lost along the way. If you want your marriage to succeed, make sure you choose someone you can talk to, you don’t set unrealistic expectations like mind-reading, you don't take things too personally and you're willing to make changes if it’s the right thing to do. You can do it! It’s worth it!
Mitzi Bockmann is an NYC-based Certified Life Coach and mental health advocate who works exclusively with women to help them be all they want to be. Mitzi's bylines have appeared in The Good Men Project, MSN, PopSugar, Prevention, Huffington Post, and Psych Central, among many others.