3 Painfully Cold Reasons He Won't Leave His Wife For 'The Other Woman'
Despite what you think, a married man probably won't leave his family for you.
Nemanja Novakovic | Shutterstock There are different ways we justify getting involved with a man who has other commitments. Putting all judgment aside, it's best to weigh all sides of the issue and take a professional, non-biased look at the relationship you're having and ask yourself if you truly think it's going to end well. I counseled a couple in a marriage of over 30 years, and it was the wife who was considering leaving with another man. As it turned out, she never was going to leave her husband. But why not? What kept her committed to her husband? What would keep your man with his current girlfriend or wife? If you're the other woman and you expect this relationship to succeed, you must ask yourself this question quite often. But are you asking yourself the right question?
First and foremost I want to make something clear. Men do leave their wives for other women. It happens very often. One could say you have a "fighting chance" if you're the other woman. But then again, you've probably heard that from your friends already. Let's look at the reasons why you THINK he should leave her — and why he chooses to stay instead.
Here are 3 painfully honest reasons he won't leave his wife for 'the other woman:'
1. She doesn't understand him
Yes, it's true. You'll sit with him and watch hours of football, throw back shots of Patron, and watch adult videos with him. You know what he likes! And he eats it up like it's going out of style. However, did you know he doesn't care that she won't do these things with him? He won't leave her for that. He knows in his heart that he can get his buddies to share most of those activities with him any day. And it's a fair tradeoff, so he won't have to go the mall or sit and watch a sappy romantic comedy with her.
But what if you know he enjoys these activities with you, specifically? What heterosexual man wouldn't enjoy his favorite buddy activities with a hot woman instead? This is just an opportune situation for him. He won't walk out on his family for this. He'll just milk it for as long as he can. You see, he never cared about that when he married her. He was used to having those side-guy activities all his life. He wasn't expecting it to change.
2. She nags him all the time
In a long-term relationship, a lot of women start to turn into their mothers. And, many times, they start mothering their men also. You know not to do that! Unfortunately, though, it feels like most men who have a mother or sisters and later get married are "trained" by these ladies. They aren't surprised to find lingerie hanging in the restroom, and they're not surprised that their woman nags them about leaving their socks on the floor. Men who understand women know all too well that we all nag, and if we aren't nagging now, it's because we haven't been around him enough. He knows that as soon as you two share a complete life and you get to see all his "sloppy dude sides," you'll nag just as much.
3. She uses the kids to keep him in the marriage or relationship
I've heard this so often, but it still astonishes me! You don't think a man should have to stay just because of the kids. Wait a minute — of course, she holds him responsible for his kids. This is the reason why he respects her on a level you have yet to understand as "the other woman." A couple makes babies together and commits those children for life. It's an unspoken vow that's stronger than any marriage. The relationship of parent and child will precede and succeed anything else in his life. This woman merged blood, and family, and went through pain and agony to give him an heir or two, or more.
When he holds those children in his arms, there's a deep gratitude and attachment in his heart that no one can ever break. He won't stay with her because of the kids. He just feels he can't leave her because of the kids. He wants his children to have the best possible family scenario, and he won't destroy that possibility over hot intimacy, booze, and submissive behavior. So now that you know the reasons why a man won't leave his wife, you might just think that you want a man like that. A loving, committed, responsible man. He might fool around with you now, but when he comes to his senses, he will go right back into the nest that makes him feel like a real man.
Yes, many men cheat, and it's sad. But studies show most cheaters stay with their wives anyway. You don't want to keep a cheater. You want the one who won't cheat, and if he does, he'll have remorse, make amends, and continue with his family. Don't you deserve that too?
Zailyn Prada-Blackburn is a consultant and a Holistic Pastoral Counselor.