The One Thing Every Sane Person Must To Do To Survive Their Divorce
You will get through it, but not without some help.0
Anna Bizon / EyeEm | Canva Surviving a divorce is one of the most stressful experiences that a person can go through. The end of that kind of relationship (and the resulting heartbreak) can have a huge impact on your physical and mental well-being, which is something you have to consider when you’re working to get your divorce resolved. Liza Caldwell — a founder of a group that provides women with divorce support and coaching — says that one of the most common questions they hear from her clients is: “How am I going to get through this divorce?” That’s how traumatic a divorce can be. We’re not only worried about the legal or financial ramifications — we’re flat-out concerned about whether or not we can survive it. Caldwell argues that you can survive it and you will, if you remember to do this one important thing: You have to ask for help.
Kimberly and Liza have seen firsthand how important it is to not try to endure a divorce on your own. Because when you’re in the middle of a divorce, you’re not your best self. That isn’t an insult. That’s just a biological fact. There have been multiple scientific studies that show that, when we’re subjected to extreme stress, it shuts down the decision-making centers of our brains. We abandon our normal logic processing and start reacting more instinctively, tapping into our primitive lizard brains. While those instinctual reactions might serve you well in an emergency life-or-death situation, they’re not as effective during a prolonged emotional split and/or legal proceedings.
So, knowing that thanks to biology, you might not be accessing your full brain, it only makes sense to not try to do everything on your own. Ask for help. Seek out guidance. Let people know that you need assistance. Remember that the divorce process is NOT your status quo. It’s a temporary state that will eventually end and people understand that. They will understand that you might need a little extra help during this atypical experience. If you need more time off, talk to your boss. If you’re not sure how you’re going to pay your bills, talk to your lawyer, your landlord, or your friends.
Let the people in your life know that you need help. The worst-case scenario is simply that they’ll say “No.” But the best case scenario is that you find out that no one expects you to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders by yourself. Asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness. It’s a smart move. It’s a strong move. And, when you’re trying to survive a divorce, it can make a huge difference.
Liza Caldwell runs SAS for Women, a boutique firm that specializes in helping women free themselves from dysfunctional and unhappy relationships. Tom Burns has served as a contributing editor for 8BitDad and The Good Men Project, and his writing has been featured on Babble, Brightly, Mom.me, Time Magazine, and various other sites.