The #1 Predictor Of Divorce (Is Not What You Think)
Here's a hint: Use math.
When we first get married, we often are still in the passionate, infatuation love stage. Later on — whether it be months or years — we find out that we don't always see eye-to-eye with our partner.
What we forget is that this is normal. The happiest married couples often have at least ten areas of "disagreement" or incompatibility.
They are successful in their marriage because somewhere along the way, they have been able to communicate openly about touchy or disagreeable topics, and they have been able to decide to disagree.
And they also choose not to let these disagreements leech into other aspects of their relationship.
Success in any relationship, then, means we learn how we can respect the difference of opinion — and choose to love and carry on in the relationship anyway.
Here's the #1 predictor of divorce (is not what you think)
1. The number one predictor of divorce is habitually avoiding conflict
One of the most cited and proven ways to confront conflict is on neutral ground. This could mean a couple of different things.
For example, as an issue arises, choose a point in the near future to discuss it.
Maybe set it up like this: "Honey, on Saturday after we've both fit our workouts in and we've eaten lunch as a family, while Junior is playing ball outside, can we sit on the back steps and talk about that issue we have?"
Here, you identify there is a problem that needs to be discussed, and you are choosing to discuss it when your stress levels are low. You can handle the situation more rationally than emotionally.
You might also choose to set a regular time to discuss personal matters, family crises, financial issues, jobs, etc.
The point is to have a safe time and place where you both know in advance you can bring up any topics.
2. Conflict requires an open-minded approach
Both of these examples allow partners to come to the table open-handed and, hopefully, open-minded.
After all, the best way to keep your marriage or relationship healthy is to address issues before they become problems, fights, or major issues.
You may be wondering, okay, so I need to identify potential situations that may escalate before they happen.
Well, if you are listening to your self-talk and have a feeling that your partner may disagree or become upset, then that's an indicator not to bring the topic up in the heat of the moment when he or she walks into the room.
Lyndsay Katauskas is a personal coach who specializes in relationships, divorce, grief, and trauma.