National Ex-Spouse Day Is April 14th: 5 Ways To Celebrate
There is hope in forgiveness and healing. Or in going nuclear...
wundervisuals, M-Production | Canva It will soon be upon us. April 14th was National Ex-Spouse Day, falling exactly two months after Valentine's Day and one day before Tax Day (the day the IRS takes away the rest of the money your ex-spouse did not get). Fortunately, it is never too late to celebrate this national holiday. Moreover, there are numerous ways to tell your ex-spouse exactly how you feel about them.
For National Ex-Spouse Day, April 14th, here are a few ideas for how to celebrate:
Created in 1987 by the Reverend Ronald Coleman, it was intended for healing.
The clergyman hoped this holiday would become a day of forgiveness and healing. His premise was that couples who were going through or had gone through a difficult divorce needed to let go of all the anger, hurt, and bitterness to effectively go on with their lives. Of course, Reverend Coleman also believed a little levity was acceptable, and in the holiday’s inaugural year, he gave out buttons to people that read “I’m Okay — You’re History.”
RELATED: The Sentence That Finally Ended 23 Years Of Pining Over My Ex
Unquestionably, there are many ways to celebrate the day.
1. Treat yourself
Some ex-spouses spend the day enjoying themselves by going to the beach or a spa or treating themselves to a fine bottle of champagne or scotch.
2. Cleanse yourself of the past
Others get rid of objects or keepsakes of the marriage, including the wedding dress, the engagement ring (its stones can be used to make a beautiful cocktail ring or earrings), or the piece of wedding cake you froze and vowed to eat on your anniversary. Another healthy thing to do is to delete those angry emails and text messages to and from your ex-spouse or the “divorce diary” you have been saving.
3. Channel your hurt into acts of charity and kindness, like these famous billionaire ex-spouses
Two of the best examples are MacKenzie Scott (now the richest woman in the world following her divorce from Jeff Bezos of Amazon fame) and Melinda Gates, who split from her billionaire husband, Bill Gates. Together, MacKenzie and Melinda initially donated 40 million dollars to various charities that support gender equality. Since that time, Scott has gone on to donate another 6 billion dollars to hundreds of organizations, including entities involved in caregiving, tech career development, education, and minority communities.
Photo: mimagephotography via Shutterstock
4. You can always send your ex-spouse a greeting card to commemorate the occasion.
A card which conveys your true feelings, such as:
- “I Am Not Still Mad At You. I Just Decided My Life Is Better Without You”
- “Divorce – End Of An Error”
- “Just A Friendly Reminder - Your Alimony Payment Is Past Due”
- “I Used To Be Married… But I Am Much Better Now”
- “It’s Not Me, It’s You…It’s Your Mother”
- “My Therapist Is Glad I am Moving On From You”
- “I Know I Will Never Find Anyone Like You Again. But That’s the Whole Point
- Of Divorce”
- “You Can’t Fix Stupid – You Can Only Divorce It”
5. Some ex-spouses choose to celebrate their divorces by constantly suing each other
Take the case of Johnny Depp and his ex-wife Amber Heard. The parties were married in 2015 and divorced approximately one year later. During the divorce proceedings, Heard secured a temporary restraining order against Depp, claiming a litany of abuse at his hands. A few months after Heard made the allegations, the parties settled their divorce case, issuing a joint statement their relationship “was intensely passionate and at times volatile, but always bound by love.” As it turns out, this “loving,” “intensely passionate,” and “volatile” relationship has spawned a multitude of lawsuits that have lasted four times longer than the marriage itself.
In the aftermath of the divorce, Heard wrote a 2018 op-ed piece for the Washington Post in which she discussed her experiences as a survivor of assault and domestic abuse. While she did not name names, Heard’s allegations echoed some of the claims she had made against Depp in her 2016 divorce case.
Depp responded by filing a 50 million dollar defamation suit against Heard, a case now being tried by a jury in Fairfax, Virginia. When Heard’s attempt to have the suit dismissed was turned aside she then filed a 100 million dollar defamation counter-suit against Depp.
At issue in these cases is whether Depp’s alleged character as a drug/alcohol-addled violent abuser is a defamation or an accurate definition (truth is a defense in such proceedings). Since the parties' divorce, each ex-spouse has also turned their attention to other targets. Depp sued the UK paper The Sun in 2020 for calling him a “wife-beater” in a defamation case which he lost, and Heard sued Doug Stanhope, a close friend and supporter of Depp, in a defamation case which she later withdrew.
A friend and fellow divorce attorney once observed: “Fighting is a relationship — it’s not a healthy one, but it is a relationship.” A therapist who gave testimony in the ongoing defamation case between Heard and Depp described their relationship as one of “mutual abuse.”
They have a long way to go before they embrace Reverend Coleman’s hope of forgiveness and healing. The good news is, you get to choose which direction you'll go to celebrate National Ex-Spouse Day.
Ronald Bavero is a divorce attorney, legal educator, and author of the critically acclaimed, five-star book, “An Elephant Doesn’t Marry A Giraffe – Everything I Learned As A Divorce Attorney.” He also maintains a website of information and valuable articles about the process of divorce and separation.