8 Common Money Mistakes That Tend To Cause Divorce, According To Psychology
How you manage money can make or break your relationship.
Peopleimages.com - YuriArcurs | Canva Money problems in a relationship can instantaneously tank your satisfaction and happiness with your spouse. But learning how to be happy and still deal with money issues healthily is more difficult than it sometimes seems — especially when differences in discussing finances or shopping are causing arguments.
The idea that "money can buy happiness" doesn't seem possible in your marriage, and you wonder if money and happiness can go hand in hand.
Here are eight common money mistakes that tend to cause divorce:
1. One person controls all the money
Unless you married your mother, your days of getting an allowance and having zero say in the family finances should have ended. A 2012 study shows that each person in the relationship deserves a voice and role in the money decisions. It is a healthy way to demonstrate mutual trust and respect.
2. You lead completely separate financial lives
It's not wrong to have separate checking accounts. There are often good reasons to have separate personal, business, gift accounts, etc. But keeping private, "your-eyes-only" accounts is a huge mistake. The accounts you have, combined or not, should have an all-access pass for the other person.
3. You hide over-spending
True Touch Lifestyle via Shutterstock
Spending sprees can dig you both into a deep financial hole, so both parties need complete transparency about spending, as supported by a study in Current Opinion in Psychology Journal. If you're hiding receipts, lying about what was on "sale," or borrowing money to cover up your spending. Stop hiding and come clean.
4. You fail to plan for your future
Couples caught unprepared for a major expense or emergency expense feel cornered and desperate. They look for someone to blame, and they usually find the scapegoat — on the other side of the bed.
We often see individuals take matters into their own hands and invest in high-risk schemes as a last-ditch effort to make up for lost time or take out loans without their spouse knowing so they can play the "hero" and write the checks to the college.
You, inevitably, get older. Emergencies happen. A study in the Family and Consumer Sciences Research Journal asserts the importance of planning together for a future free from blame and desperation.
5. Someone commits financial infidelity
Yep, that's just like it sounds. It's cheating on your spouse with money. If you are lying, cheating, or secretly hoarding money without your spouse knowing, you're committing financial infidelity. You are being unfaithful, and it can destroy your marriage.
A study in the Family Relations Journal demonstrates the value of staying financially faithful is setting your marriage up to win. For example, decide to discuss any purchase over $100 or agree to eyeball the credit card statements together every month. No one needs to feel like they are on a leash, but honesty protects your finances and relationship.
6. You refuse to appreciate your spouse's approach to money
Every individual approaches money uniquely. You intuitively know this, whether you realize it or not, when you joke about your mother and her coupons or your dad's "bigger is better" belief.
Your partner has an approach to money that won't change anytime soon. If they love to pinch pennies, prepare to witness a lot of pinching. If they don't spend money often, but when they do, it seems to always be the item with the largest price tag. That's who they are. Refusing to understand and appreciate the way they view money sets you both up for a lot of pain and potentially divorce.
7. You criticize your partner's money management skills
GaudiLab via Shutterstock
Your partner views money differently than you. Trouble starts when you make them feel rotten about it.
Maybe you roll your eyes when he pulls out the discount card at every restaurant or the way her cash is never organized in her wallet. Or maybe you lose it when he forgets to return the movie, and late fees rack up.
Either way, you make sure your partner knows your way of handling money is right, and theirs is wrong. This is about as helpful in building trust and positive communication in a relationship as nit-picking their eating habits.
8. You fight about money in front of your children
Want to make a painful mistake for your finances, your marriage, and future generations? Fight about money in front of the kids, as suggested by a study in The Child Development Journal. Discussing money is not always stress-free, but by no means does it require disrespect.
Fighting — not discussing — but fighting about money with your spouse tells your kids that money is more important than your relationship. Ever wonder why we promise in our wedding vows to stick around for "richer or poorer?" It's almost like the ancient vow makers knew money could sink even the most stable of marriage boats. Promise now because rough seas will come.
We don't vow to love through "flabby or fat, whiny or not" or even through "the next five versions of a video game series." None of those, but money makes the list because couples fight about money a lot.
A study discovered fights about money are the number one predictor of divorce. Sonya Britt, a researcher at Kansas State University, reports that couples "who argued about money early in their relationships — regardless of their income, debt, or net worth — were at greater risk for divorce."
"Arguments about money are by far the top predictor of divorce," she said. "It's not children, in-laws, or anything else. It's money — for both men and women."
So, where are you guilty as charged? It's time to break those bad money habits and ensure your marriage survives and thrives ... emotionally and financially. Take note of past mistakes (remember, everyone makes mistakes) and discuss plans to avoid them in the future. Your marriage and bank account will profit.
The Money Couple helps others achieve financial freedom while putting family first. They offer services and resources to bring couples closer together, not only in their marriages but in their finances as well.