Mom Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Offered To Pay For Her Kids' Meals After He Asks Her To Be More Mindful Of What They Order
With the rising rates of food waste worldwide, he made a good point.
Monkey Business Images / Shutterstock Finding a partner who is generous enough to pay for you and your kids’ meals is definitely a green flag. One man did just that after learning his girlfriend was struggling to make ends meet with three kids.
But after he noticed her kids’ overindulgent and wasteful eating habits, he decided to voice his concerns, and her response was to break up with him.
The man took to Reddit to ask if he was wrong for wanting to set boundaries with how much her kids ordered on his dime.
In his AITAH post, which was recently deleted and reposted to TikTok, he explained he is 43, his girlfriend is 40, and they have been dating long-distance for two years. He shared how he visits her at least three times a year, and they have recently been planning on moving in together.
“The last time we met, we spent the majority of the time with her three kids,” he wrote. “She struggles financially to make ends meet with three kids, so I’ve always volunteered to pay when going out to eat.”
However, throughout his visit, he noticed his girlfriend allowing two of her young kids, aged 6 and 9, to order adult portions of meals and beverages despite not finishing them or even taking leftovers.
Additionally, upon ordering from Starbucks, when she asked what her kids wanted, they all asked for large drinks and only took a few sips before they were full.
“All of this didn’t sit well with me since I was raised to only order what I would finish and to just not be wasteful with food, especially when going out to eat,” he explained. “I also have two girls of my own from a previous relationship, which I raised this way.”
He found it a bit presumptuous for her to let her kids take advantage of his generosity.
The man did not have to offer to pay for her kids’ meals, but he chose to out of the kindness of his heart. But it’s understandable why he felt uncomfortable by her enabling her kids’ immoderation, simply because someone else was paying.
A few days after he returned back home, he decided to express his concerns with her.
“I told her I was bothered by the fact that she was not being mindful of my money by not setting boundaries with her children and allowing them to just order knowing that they will likely just waste good food and my money,” he said.
She immediately got defensive, taking offense to him commenting on the topic of money surrounding her kids and accusing him of trying to humiliate her.
He clarified that he wasn’t so concerned with the money spent; rather, he was focused on his personal principles of modesty and mindfulness.
“I realize that I shouldn’t be forcing my view of things onto her and decide on my own if I want to continue being with her without making her feel bad,” he expressed. “She went silent for a day and then broke up with me over the phone, saying we were not compatible and some other generic excuse.”
He asked Reddit users if he should let it be or attempt to apologize sincerely.
“I really do love and miss her, but part of me thinks I’m the [AH], and the other part of me thinks that I am right for bringing up some behaviors that I believe need correcting,” he explained.
Reddit users argued the girlfriend was inconsiderate and he was right to communicate with her.
Her defensive and reactive response to his attempt to communicate is already a red flag for their relationship in itself. Rather than choosing to understand where he was coming from and validate his concerns, she played the victim and cut him off, indicating an immature and self-centered behavioral pattern.
In tandem with her abusing his financial support and failing to teach her kids the significance of mindfulness, she pushed away someone who only wanted to care for her at the first instance of conflict. Reddit users and TikTokers agreed the man deserved better, and he “dodged a bullet.”
“Think how much worse that situation would be if you moved in together,” someone pointed out in the comments. “She doesn't seem very considerate of money, considering she has money issues and isn't the one paying.”
“If she isn't willing to work through such an issue as this and talk about it maturely, imagine how many times situations will arise and she does the same thing?” another person added.
“I say this as someone who once struggled and have a kid myself, if this woman is concerned about finances and struggling financially why … does she not take the food to go?!” someone else mentioned.
“Maybe she's struggling because of her mistreatment of money and resources,” someone, along with many others, inferred. “I feel she seeks validation by being able to give her kids expensive stuff and experiences (even if she can't afford these things herself).”
No matter how much or how little you earn, parents should stress the importance of minimizing food waste.
It’s unknown where in the world the man and his now ex-girlfriend live, but in America alone, people waste 92 billion pounds of food each year, according to Feed America. This is equivalent to 145 billion meals.
While it is likely the mom was only trying to let her kids enjoy themselves without guilt, and her heart was in the right place, she is doing her kids a disservice by not teaching them to be more mindful of their waste, especially when there are so many families in the world suffering from food insecurity.
Additionally, it is unfair for her to have done this at the expense of her boyfriend’s generosity and not even consider taking home leftovers to feed her kids. This behavior only indicates a wasteful, overindulgent lifestyle that likely has to do with her own financial struggles.
Overall, many Reddit users agreed the man did nothing wrong but express his value of mindfulness, and despite the mom’s decision to break up with him, we can only hope she reflects on the situation and chooses to teach her kids only to consume what they can finish.
Francesca Duarte is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team based in Orlando, FL. She covers lifestyle, human-interest, adventure, and spirituality topics.