11 Mind Games Men Play That Manipulate Even The Smartest Women
Even the most intelligent fall for these toxic games.
Prostock-Studio | Canva Burnout from dating often develops because so many men play mind games. You can quickly get sick of feeling duped by someone who acts as if he’s interested and then ghosts you or suddenly changes his personality once you have given him a commitment.
There are plenty of good men who are sincere about their intentions. Don’t let the actions of a couple of men get in your way of finding lasting love. Recognize these behaviors quickly and set strong boundaries to protect yourself from toxic behavior.
Here are eleven mind games men play that manipulate even the smartest women:
1. He lovebombs you
Love bombing is when someone showers you with excessive compliments, gifts, and attention at the beginning of a relationship to quickly win you over. It can be a sign of emotional manipulation and you shouldn’t trust it as sincere.
Men who love bomb are more excited about the idea of you than they are about getting to know the real you. Usually, he will disappear after the first disagreement or conflict between you.
2. He cancels plans at the last minute
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Canceling last minute is a sign this man isn’t serious or can’t manage his work-life balance. He will frequently cancel plans at the last minute or not show up at all, leaving you feeling confused and uncertain about the relationship.
These men are time wasters so don’t invest your heart until he’s proven that he’s in it to win it with you. This mind game men play proves that he’s not serious about a relationship and he’s only looking for something convenient.
3. He purposefully tests your boundaries
Some men will deliberately cross your boundaries to see how much they can get away with. It can be a way for them to gain power and control in the relationship. It can also be a sign that he has co-dependent tendencies and rushes to emotionally merge with you.
Setting boundaries in a relationship, especially early on, is crucial and lets you know if your partner respects you or not. According to a study from 2020, having mutual respect plays a vital role in the foundation of healthy relationships.
Men who test your boundaries can’t be trusted with your heart. It might be easy to confuse the excitement you feel as chemistry, but it’s not going to lead to an emotionally healthy dynamic between you.
4. He gaslights you into doubting yourself
This mind game is a form of psychological abuse. When someone gaslights you they make you question your reality — your thoughts, feelings, and memory. Gaslighting can be subtle at first and become more prominent once he has you convinced you can’t trust your own eyes and ears.
If a man negates your experience or tries to convince you that what you know isn’t true run! He will prey on your insecurities and work to undermine your confidence. This mind game men play is a serious red flag that you must extricate yourself from immediately.
5. He sends mixed signals
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Men who send you conflicting messages and alternate between hot and cold can have you feeling uncertain and confused about their intentions. While not typically deliberate, mixed signals are a sign that he’s not invested in creating a long-term relationship with you.
Whether he is unsure about his desires or just enjoys the convenience of your company without making an emotional investment, men who send mixed signals aren’t going to wake up one day and decide you are the love of their lives. Don’t waste your time while he tries to figure out what he wants.
6. He won’t take responsibility
If he refuses to take responsibility for his actions or blames you for his mistakes, then it’s impossible to resolve conflicts or miscommunication in your relationship. When conflict is pushed aside or ignored because he won’t own his behavior, it becomes a landmine that will consistently blow up into more conflict.
You can also end up walking on eggshells like you can’t do anything right as he pushes responsibility for his moods and behavior onto you. Shifting blame is a sign of emotional immaturity and will not allow lasting love to grow.
7. He stonewalls you
Stonewalling is when someone shuts down and refuses to communicate or engage in conflict resolution. It can be a way for them to avoid taking responsibility or to maintain control in the relationship. This strategy is commonly used by a person with an avoidant attachment style.
Research from The Gottman Institute confirms that if left unchecked, stonewalling can kill a relationship. It’s one thing to need to take a break and calm yourself down during an argument, but this mind game men play doesn’t allow for you two to repair and reconnect.
He’s hoping as time passes that you’ll calm down and he can behave as if nothing bad happened. Ultimately, you’re left wondering when (not if) he’ll shut you out again.
8. He subtly criticizes you
This mind game men play is one of the most insidious because they make subtle comments or criticisms about your appearance, behavior, or personality, leaving you feeling insecure and inadequate. Your self-esteem will slowly erode, and eventually, you won’t believe that you deserve more from your man.
Notice if he supports you and tries to lift you, or if you’re often feeling bad about yourself hearing his criticism. A partner who wants you to be your best will inspire you not admonish you.
9. He ghosts you
Ghosting is when someone abruptly ends all communication and disappears without explanation, leaving you feeling hurt and confused. You may waste time searching for what you did wrong or chase after him, either way, you’re throwing away your most valuable resource.
Ultimately, men who play this mind game are showing you who they are — and it’s not an emotionally mature man. Men who ghost disappear because they can’t be honest and tell you they’re not interested in a relationship. This has nothing to do with you!
10. He won't introduce you to their friends or family
This subtle mind game men play keeps you separate from their social circle because they don't want to integrate you into their life, which is another sign that they're not serious about the relationship.
If he’s not integrating you into his life, then he’s not moving the relationship forward. By keeping you out of his inner circle he’s showing you that he’s not interested in a future with you.
11. He controls your behavior
Attempting to control your behavior, choices, or actions, is a form of emotional abuse and must be taken seriously. Controlling men may come across as strong and decisive at first but they’ll become bullies over time.
This mind game men play comes from a need to manage their environment and to make sure that they get their way. Over time you’ll have to acquiesce to his demands, or you’ll be in constant conflict with him.
These mind games men play are a sign that this man is not a good match for a thriving relationship. You deserve to be with a healthy and supportive partner where you're treated as an equal.
If you're experiencing any of these mind games, you must reexamine the relationship. Communicate your concerns and set clear boundaries. If the behavior persists, it may be necessary to end the relationship for your well-being.
If you think you may be experiencing depression or anxiety as a result of ongoing emotional abuse, you are not alone. Domestic abuse can happen to anyone and is not a reflection of who you are or anything you've done wrong. If you feel as though you may be in danger, there is support available 24/7/365 through the National Domestic Violence Hotline by calling 1-800-799-7233. If you’re unable to speak safely, text LOVEIS to 1-866-331-9474.
Orna and Matthew Walters are dating coaches and founders of Creating Love On Purpose with a holistic approach to transforming hidden blocks to love, and the authors of Getting It Right This Time.