Man Wants To Break Up With His Girlfriend After She Puts On 60 Pounds And He No Longer Feels Attracted To Her
Rather than empathetically expressing his concern, he's considering blindsiding her with a breakup.
Mariia Korneeva / Shutterstock It isn't uncommon for individuals to gain weight after they get into a comfortable, serious relationship. In fact, this is such a common occurrence that many have coined the term "happy weight" to describe the experience of gaining some weight as a symptom of falling in love.
But at what point should someone be concerned by their partner's excessive weight gain?
A man took to Reddit to express his concern and distaste for his girlfriend after he noticed a drastic change in her weight.
In a since-deleted post to the AITAH subreddit, the 28-year-old man explained how he met his 24-year-old girlfriend at the gym two years ago. He added that physical fitness is important to him, and he goes to the gym three times a week and jogs daily. He claimed that she was much thinner when they met and they “hit it off really well.”
About a year ago, they decided to move in together. He mentioned he noticed her slight weight gain at the time, but didn’t think much of it.
Throughout their time living together, he claimed to have watched her detach from her workout routines and engage in overindulgent eating habits — from devouring entire bags of candy to consuming fast food for every meal of the day. As a result, she has gained over 60 pounds.
Photo: Doucefleur / Canva Pro
“I find her eating habits and appearance gross now,” he expressed. “The thin girl I was so attracted to has been replaced by an insatiable eater.”
He further explained that their lease is ending in a few months, and she has expressed interest in getting married.
The man asked if he’d be wrong to break up with her at the end of their lease.
He shared that he no longer feels attracted to her due to her lack of concern for her health and wellbeing. He asked Reddit users if he would be in the wrong to leave her once their lease ends.
Many commenters raised concerns about the underlying reasons behind her binge eating habits. There are many causes of rapid weight gain, including depression, stress, hormonal changes, and taking certain medications.
“I’m on a number of pharmaceuticals that basically turned me into a binge eater,” one individual commented on the post, sharing their personal experience. “My partner’s honesty about it has been helpful. He brought it up by asking about my health and stating his concerns.”
Several other Redditers emphasized the man’s flawed perception of the situation and questioned his lack of communication.
On the other side of the coin, many also acknowledged the difficulty with addressing weight gain and how it can trigger negative, shameful reactions. Rather than trying to change his girlfriend, they advised him to either accept her for where she is right now and support her during this time, or end the relationship for both his and her best interests.
"Honestly, just end it," one user advised. "Sounds like there wasn't a whole lot there other than your attraction to her previous physical appearance."
“I guess I have a hard time believing you like or care about her after the way you've spoken about her,” another person shared. “You can dump her for gaining weight, and you wouldn't have been an AH, but the way you speak about her makes you one. Just dump her and save her from wasting her time.”
There are healthy ways to address this issue without imposing judgment on your partner.
A love expert on TikTok, Janele Vitale, empathized with how weight gain can be a sensitive subject to address. She suggested a mature way to communicate this topic while still considering your partner's feelings.
"For me personally, if it's something my partner was worried about, or it was getting in the way of our relationship for any reason, I would want him to talk to me about it with respect," Vitale expressed.
Women’s bodies begin to experience many changes when they approach their mid-20s, and considering the man met his girlfriend when she was only 22, several changes could have impacted her body within two years, aside from what he described as her excessive eating habits.
Given his word choice surrounding the issue — in the post alone he called her "gross" and an "insatiable blob" — the man seems to be insensitive regarding his girlfriend’s weight changes. He is clearly more focused on how it is affecting him, rather than supporting her.
As one commenter pointed out, "A person who cares about someone would ask him/herself first, 'How can I help her get back on track? How can I motivate her? How can I support her and help her overcome her struggles?' and not 'I find her appearance gross now."
There seems to be a large disconnect between the man and his girlfriend.
It’s indicative that the boyfriend lacks genuine concern for his partner, as observing her unhealthy eating habits has led him to grow repulsed by her, rather than worried. The man has every right to make choices that he believes are in his best interest, but if he truly cares for his girlfriend, he should examine the strength of their connection and consider opening up to her about his concerns.
In a relationship where individuals truly care for each other, they will stick by the other’s side when faced with challenges and obstacles. It’s understandable to be concerned about your partner’s health and well-being, but the man's reaction appears to stem more from distaste and judgment.
Instead of communicating his concern, he has internalized his disinterest and is waiting to drop a bomb on her when she’ll least expect it, leaving her with no time to evaluate her options and gather her bearings.
Upon reading through the Redditors' comments and feedback, the man later edited his post to admit his flawed perception of the situation and agree that there are likely underlying causes of her behavior. He claimed he would communicate his concerns with her, but ultimately, if he is truly repulsed by his partner's temporary challenge in appearance, it’s probably for the best that they part ways.
Francesca Duarte is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team based in Orlando, FL. She covers lifestyle, human-interest, adventure, and spirituality topics.