If A Man Uses These 10 Phrases, He's Probably Not A Nice Person
Beware the words that come out of his mouth.
voronaman | Shutterstock You can tell a lot about someone's character by the way they talk to others. Sometimes, people try to hide their real selves, but the truth tends to slip out.
Some men will say one thing when they mean something else entirely, or they'll shield their personalities until you get closer, then let the veil drop to reveal who they really are.
If a man uses these 10 phrases, he's probably not a nice person
1. 'I'm just joking'
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A man will use this phrase after he says something purposefully cruel as a way to protect himself from admitting that he did something wrong. He might insult your appearance or make fun of something you care about, but when you call him on it, he says that he's only kidding.
This phrase belittles women's feelings and makes them doubt themselves for feeling hurt. After all, it's just a joke. It's a subtle and very common form of gaslighting, and if a man says this often, he's probably not very nice.
2. 'Don't worry about it'
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Using this phrase is a way that men brush off their partner, making them feel like they're wrong for having a strong reaction to whatever issue is at hand.
A man who tells a woman not to worry about something they've said is trying to downplay a situation in their favor. It's a sign they won't hold space for other people's feelings.
A nice guy would take the time to work through the problem together, but a guy who isn't actually nice will repeatedly ignore their partner's concerns and push their emotions aside.
3. 'It's a guy thing'
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Telling a woman, "It's a guy thing," is a not-so-subtle expression of misogyny. It's akin to telling a woman that their delicate, simple lady brain couldn't possibly understand, which shows just how little they actually respect you.
As psychologist Dr. Alicia H. Clark explained, "Misogynistic attitudes disregard women and can sometimes be tough to spot quickly."
"To the misogynist, women are not whole, soul-centered individuals," Dr. Clark noted, which is why they disregard women and discard them when there's any level of emotional friction.
Usually, men will say something is "a guy thing" when they want to exclude women or excuse their own bad behavior, which is a clear indication that they're not nice.
4. 'You're so needy'
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This phrase is often said as a way to invalidate women. A man who tells you that you're needy is trying to make you feel bad for having emotional or practical needs, when really, everyone has needs. It's an essential part of what makes us human!
According to clinical psychologist Craig Malkin, Ph.D., the concept of neediness is rooted in someone's fear that their desire to be connected with another person won't be met. Malkin noted that connectedness and neediness are "part of the same scale" of dependency, yet neediness is "The unhealthy version of our craving for contact, marked more by helplessness, fear, and passivity than any clear emotional request."
If you tell a man what makes you feel secure in a relationship and his response is that you're needy, that's his way of letting you know that he doesn't care enough about you to meet your needs, and that he's not a very nice person.
5. 'You're overreacting'
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Telling a woman that she's overreacting is connected to telling her that she's too needy. This phrase is designed to make you feel insecure about having an emotional reaction to whatever's going on around you.
Instead of validating your feelings and acknowledging that it's okay to respond to a situation with strong emotions, "you're overreacting" is a way to cut you down and shut you up. No one wants to feel like their emotions are out of control, yet when a man tells you that you're overreacting, he's sewing seeds of doubt and fear that you're just "too much."
A man who's a nice person puts in the work to emotionally validate you, even when he's uncomfortable with the intensity of your emotions. He aims to make you feel seen, held, and heard, instead of minimizing how you feel.
6. 'It's your fault'
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When men tell women that things are all their fault, it reveals their inability to hold themselves accountable for any mistake they may have made. "It's your fault" is an example of blame-shifting, which ignores their role in a conflict and highlights how fragile their ego is.
Psychologists classify blaming as a defense mechanism that's connected to emotional projection, which can be defined as denying one's own negative characteristics and seeing those traits in others.
A man who's a blame-shifter is showing you just how low their emotional intelligence is, as people who blame others have poor emotional regulation skills. This in itself doesn't make a man mean, but if you call attention to his behavior and he doesn't try to change, it's a sign that he's not willing to make an effort for you, which isn't very nice.
7. 'It's fine'
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Saying that a situation is fine when they're actually hurt or upset is a classic example that a man isn't very in-tune with his emotions. Instead of opening up and being honest about how he feels, a man who says that everything's fine, even when it isn't, is pushing his own feelings down and pushing you away at the same time.
It's an indirect, passive-aggressive way of saying that he doesn't want to talk about something, or that he needs more time to process his emotions. Yet by not being clear about his intentions or inner self, he's avoiding any show of vulnerability, which is what brings couples closer.
Repeatedly using the phrase "It's fine" is often a sign that a man has low emotional intelligence and doesn't want to foster a deeper connection with you. Again, this phrase alone doesn't mean that a man isn't nice, but if he refuses to let you in or talk about his true feelings, it's an indication that he's not the right man for you.
8. 'My ex is crazy'
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A man who bad-mouths his ex is the kind of man you want to avoid. Saying that someone is "crazy" is a pejorative way of speaking about someone, and it disregards the validity of having mental health struggles.
A man who says their ex-girlfriend is crazy usually denies their own culpability in conflict or any problematic behavior of their own. Calling someone crazy is never nice. Saying that about a person they once cared about indicates how little respect a man actually has for women.
9. 'Are you really wearing that?'
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Questioning what you're wearing is an outright indication that a man wants to control you and how you present yourself to the world. What you wear is no one's business but your own, and just because your boyfriend or partner doesn't like the outfit you chose, doesn't mean he has any right to comment on it.
A nice guy accepts you for who you are. They respect your expressions of authenticity, and they don't try to change you or make you change what you're wearing to fit their idea of what they want.
10. 'I'm a nice guy'
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This phrase is a glaring red flag that signals a man isn't actually nice. If he describes himself as "a nice guy," he's usually overcompensating for what's missing, which is an actual sense of kindness and compassion.
True nice guys don't need to tell you that they're nice guys, while someone who's low-key not a good guy will pretend otherwise.
Alexandra Blogier is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team. She covers social issues, pop culture analysis and all things to do with the entertainment industry.