Man Upset After His Girlfriend Promises To Be A Surrogate For Her Sister — ‘A Husband Should Have A Say’
“I was on the marriage path with this girl.”
Creative Vix, Pablo Rasero / CanvaPro Many people dream of having children for their whole lives, only to come to the heartbreaking conclusion that they’re not able to as adults — whether because of health problems or fertility issues. That's why surrogacy and adoption are increasingly more popular. They provide a way to fulfill dreams, without sacrificing the health of mothers.
However, finding a surrogate mother is not as easy as it might sound — it’s a complicated and time-consuming process that can cost almost $200,000 by the time the child arrives.
It’s why a woman and her sister made a promise to each other early in life. At the wise age of only 8 years old, they promised to be surrogate mothers for each other in the event of fertility issues. While it sounds like a sweet story, the woman’s boyfriend turned to Reddit because he has some serious concerns now that she’s found out her sister has fertility problems.
The man is furious with his girlfriend after learning she made a ‘promise’ to her sister to be a surrogate if she had fertility problems.
The man’s relationship with his girlfriend has been incredible so far — so great, in fact, that he admitted to being on “the marriage track” with her. However, while having “the children talk,” he reconsidered his future altogether after his girlfriend revealed she’d made a “promise” to be a surrogate mother for her sister in the event of fertility issues.
Despite making the promise when they were only 8 years old, which seemed ludicrous to this Reddit man, his girlfriend wanted to follow through with her vow.
She argued that her sister would have no problem doing the same for her, so she’s committed. However, not only was this a concerning revelation for the boyfriend, but their discussion was concerning, as she refused to give him any say over her decision.
“I promised her,” she said. “It’s my body. My choice.”
Talking about having children, his girlfriend said she’d ‘have to have’ her sister’s baby, arguing, ‘It’s my body, my choice.’
“That’s a weird thing to promise,” he told her while discussing her surrogacy promise. “Especially without consulting the guy you’ll marry … not sure why I should be okay with my wife having someone else’s baby in my marriage.”
Photo: pixelshot / Canva Pro
While having the conversation, his girlfriend continued to emphasize that it was “her body, her choice,” and it was her decision to make in the end to continue forward with a pregnancy. However, while he was clear about supporting her standards of bodily autonomy, he made sure to emphasize that he “has a say” in the decision in marriage.
Not only would it be a critical decision for their marriage, but it would also bring a ton of responsibilities, fears, and burdens into his life.
While most surrogate families report “healthy” relationships with their surrogate mothers, the reality is that having a baby for someone else is a complicated, emotional, and sometimes overwhelming process. Not only is the pregnancy and act of giving birth a big deal, but it can raise some concerns later in life, especially if they’re not using regulatory methods for conception.
According to surrogacy standards, a woman must have a successful pregnancy and delivery before being a surrogate mother, meaning this man would already have a child with this woman prior to her fulfilling her “promise.” Not only is it adding strain on the familial relationships in her life — from a time, energy, and health perspective — but it’s bound to fuel resentment in this couple.
The man argued that he also has ‘a choice’ to leave her over this pregnancy.
“You can’t reserve nine months off to have your sister’s baby,” the man wrote in his post. “If we are married … a husband should have a say on that decision. That type of thing is now a marital decision.”
Despite not yet being married, he said this whole conversation about kids has thrown his plans slightly off track. “She acted like I was crazy to think that way I do … I tried to explain that it’s not just having someone else's baby in our marriage, but there could be other life-threatening complications during pregnancy.”
Photo: Viktoria Matrosova / CanvaPro
Other commenters suggested that this couple’s relationship should end now before it gets too serious, arguing that failing to resolve an argument like this could be detrimental down the road. Many supported this man’s argument, agreeing that there are tons of ways a surrogate pregnancy could affect both her health and well-being and their relationship.
“What if there are medical implications which put you in extreme financial problems … or your wife is bedridden? During the birth, there could be complications, and the doctor could tell you that she cannot have any more children,” one person added. “If this is actually a ‘promise’ she has to keep, don’t marry her.”
At the end of the day, this entire conversation comes down to the root of healthy relationships: open, honest communication. This woman indeed has a right to do whatever she pleases with her own body — even if that means having a child for her sister — but her boyfriend also has a right to communicate with his partner about his worries, boundaries, and feelings.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a News & Entertainment Writer at YourTango who focuses on health & wellness, social policy, and human interest stories.