Man Says He's Jealous Of Husbands Who Have 'Fit' Wives Because He's Not Attracted To His Wife Anymore
His wife deserves someone who accepts, loves, and appreciates her unconditionally.
PeopleImage.com — Yuri A / Shutterstock Marriage is not easy. While many might picture blow-out fights and loud arguments as the bane of the bond, sometimes drifting apart and forgetting about "until death do us part" is just as contagious.
Dr. John Delony’s podcast on mental health, relationships, and “all the tough stuff” captures a great deal of these marriage struggles, but one caller’s outrageous revelation had Dr. Delony momentarily speechless. A husband made his wife’s nightmare a reality when he revealed to Dr. Delony that his seemingly unconditional love had turned conditional, based on her caloric intake.
In search of advice, a husband revealed he was jealous of other men with ‘fit’ wives.
“My wife’s body isn’t what it used to be,” the man said over the phone, “and I need to talk to somebody about it.” Shocked at the revelation, Dr. Delony sat quietly waiting for the man to elaborate.
“Honestly, I’m jealous of the dads and husbands who have ‘fit’ wives,” he finished.
Immediately, Dr. Delony told the husband he had work to do in “owning up” to the person he chose to marry and have children with. “Losing attraction, losing feelings, that’s part of it,” he explained.
So, while this husband might be resentful of his wife’s body — one that gave him his children — Dr. Delony wouldn't allow him to use it as an excuse for giving up on his marriage and the love he had when he committed to it.
Research suggests partners fall out of love in marriages for many reasons, but physical looks are not on the list.
In a 2013 study of spouses who experienced falling out of love with their partners, the reasons were diverse, but there were multifaceted responses that affected the gradual decline of their relationships.
Many sourced a feeling of loss that followed them gradually to the end of their marriages, resulting in an undeniable, overwhelming, and pivotal final moment of realizing they were not in love anymore. Whether it was trust, intimacy, or not feeling reciprocated love, many participants felt there was a void in their marriage that led to a separation in other aspects of their relationship.
Photo: Theparm from Getty Images / Canva Pro
“My love is disappearing,” one participant revealed, “my heart feels like they are stepping all over it and do not seem to care. “
Funnily enough, it’s this narrative that Dr. Delony warned the husband about. If he cared to salvage his relationship and did embody the love he said he had for his wife, focusing on her physical appearance would only breed resentment. An honest conversation about how he feels was what Dr. Delony suggested.
Giving her the agency to leave and him the opportunity to decide which matters more (“fitness” or “love”), neither will be wasting their time in an unhealthy partnership.
Experts are split on the consequences of a marriage without physical attraction.
While Dr. Delony said relationships with love and a momentary lapse of attraction are not necessarily unhealthy, other studies suggest that attraction is foundational to marriages.
A lack of respect, intimacy, and cheating are all consequences Psychology Today warns about for couples without attraction. However, other experts suggest that it’s possible to rekindle attraction.
Honesty about your relationship can help to rekindle attraction, especially if both parties are ready to re-discover each other as they did at the beginning of their relationship. While it might feel like physical attraction is the root of the issue, as in this husband's scenario, oftentimes issues of self-confidence and stagnation are to blame for these feelings.
Dr. Delony advised the man to do some searching within himself to understand why he feels the way he does. He then suggested working on creating a safe space for his wife to be herself and to feel comfortable in their relationship.
If he decided that creating that environment was not feasible for him, then the relationship must end.
Commenters suggested this husband is not truly in love with his wife. “There’s no conditions on love,” one commenter pointed out, “and if there are, that’s superficial love.”
Many comments tried to find a grain of empathy for the man, but most argued that his quest for advice was merely a path to victimization, a route to leave the marriage without guilt.
Regardless of the commenter’s opinions, and even Dr. Delony’s, this husband has some self-reflection to do before he can create a safe space for his wife. His wife deserves someone who accepts, loves, and appreciates her — unconditionally.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a news and entertainment writer at YourTango focusing on pop culture analysis and human interest stories.