The Biggest Marriage Mistake I Made As A Husband & Dad — That I'm Working Hard To Fix
He hurt the foundation of his family.
fizkes / Shutterstock In a TikTok video, content creator Jim Ramos issued a public service announcement to all husbands out there, warning them of the biggest mistake that he made in his marriage and with his children.
He revealed that this mistake truly hurt the foundation of his family, and insisted that any man out there should look within themselves to stop this damaging behavior for the sake of their loved ones.
He revealed that the biggest mistake he made as a husband and dad was not speaking positively about his wife.
"Guys, I wanna talk to you about the biggest mistake I made in my marriage and it is: I did not frame my wife well in front of my kids," Ramos honestly admitted. He explained that he never painted the best picture of his wife for their kids, and portrayed her as being someone different than who she actually was.
Ramos continued, saying since he's become aware of his problematic behavior, he's been actively working to fix it.
In the past, he recalled saying disparaging and hurtful comments about his wife that many other men probably use without realizing — like referring to their wife as the "old ball and chain" and complaining that she is always upset or mad about something.
"The portrait that you paint to people is important," he insisted.
Ramos advised husbands to start framing their wives in a better light and using more positive language to describe them — particularly to their kids — instead of making them out to be the type of person they truly aren't. This dynamic could be one of the reasons why so many couples feel lonely in their relationships.
According to data from the National Library of Medicine, most married people view their relationship as emotionally supportive. However, around 33% of older adults experience loneliness in their marriages. And that loneliness is exacerbated when individuals "act negatively toward their partner," including by withdrawing affection, complaining, or criticizing.
Praising your spouse in front of your kids has so many benefits for a family dynamic.
There's a powerful quote from Bonnie Burstow, a Canadian psychotherapist and author, that reads:
"Often father and daughter look down on mother (woman) together. They exchange meaningful glances when she misses a point. They agree that she is not bright as they are, cannot reason as they do. This collusion does not save the daughter from the mother’s fate."
In a relationship built on mutual respect and appreciation, husbands and fathers should want to speak positively about their spouses to their children. There's nothing worse than growing up and hearing your father say hurtful and mean things about your mother, despite the illusion that their relationship is loving and empathetic.
A child's first interactions with love come from their parents and can often set the outlook and expectations they'll have on relationships in their adolescent years and adulthood. When they hear their father talk negatively about their mother, they may learn to accept the same disparagement in their own future relationships.
Ramos's reflection on his past behavior echoes Burstow's warning about the damaging consequences of such collusion. By admitting to his own failure to depict his wife in a positive light to their children, Ramos acknowledged the role he played in perpetuating negative stereotypes and undermining his wife's worth within the family dynamic.
Parents can create a fulfilling and supportive household by laying that initial foundation of what a healthy relationship should look like from the get-go, and talking positively about their partner.
Nia Tipton is a Chicago-based entertainment, news, and lifestyle writer whose work delves into modern-day issues and experiences.