Man Wonders If He Should Break Up With His Fiancée After She Cried When A Taylor Swift Song Reminded Her Of Her Ex Who Passed Away
He's unsure if her feelings about her ex mean that she doesn't view him as the love of her life.
fizkes | Shutterstock Grief is complicated. There's no timeline for mourning, and, for many, the painful feelings of losing a loved one never truly go away — they just learn to live with them.
One man is struggling to accept this reality and is reconsidering his relationship with his fiancée out of concern that she is harboring feelings for her late ex-boyfriend. He took to Reddit to ask for advice after a pop song reminded his fiancée of her deceased ex.
The man is considering breaking up with his fiancée after she cried to a Taylor Swift song that reminded her of her late ex.
In his Reddit post, the 29-year-old explained that he and his fiancée have been together for three years and have been engaged for around six months. Before they met, close to six years ago, her ex-boyfriend tragically passed away in a car accident.
"Obviously, she was devastated for quite a while but when we first began dating she said she was in a way better place emotionally," he wrote. "What happened was awful so I was supportive of her grieving process at the time."
However, recently something happened that left him questioning the depth of their relationship.
"My fiancée and I are big Swifties so we find ourselves listening to her music all of the time, especially performances from the Eras Tour," he admitted. "Last night we were listening to one of these performances from the Eras Tour. It was a mashup of the songs Cornelia Street and Maroon. While listening she started crying."
He immediately stopped the song to ask if she was alright. She confided in him that the song reminded her of her ex-boyfriend and that he was once the "love of her life."
"She went on a rant about how the songs made her feel haunted by memories of him in our relationship, and hearing the songs together was overwhelming and the breaking point," he wrote.
Grief isn't linear, and while you may think you've moved on from the loss of a loved one, the feelings can hit you like a freight train at the oddest of times — like while listening to a Taylor Swift song.
In fact, research has shown that although death ends a relationship in the physical sense, it is not the same as the ending of a relationship with intention. That means the feelings attached to the relationship with the deceased don't simply evaporate because they are no longer physically present.
It's clear that the loss of her ex-boyfriend was traumatic, and there's nothing wrong with her having lingering feelings about him and their relationship, especially since there was no opportunity for closure.
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Later that night, the man confronted his fiancée about the way she talked about her ex, causing more of a rift between them.
At the time of her revelation, the man was entirely focused on making her feel better. However, later that night, while thinking about her comments, he started to feel concerned about their relationship and snapped at her.
"What she said stung," he admitted. "I understand that her ex meant the world to her at the time but we are currently building a future together with plans of trying for a baby on our honeymoon in Paris. I now find myself with a question about if she is still in love with him or maybe even the memory of being with him."
He questioned if she saw him as more of a rebound than a partner that she wanted to spend the rest of her life with. He's unsure if she's just settling with him because she already experienced her great love with her ex. These questions are making him reconsider whether the two of them should get married or even stay together at all.
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"I wish to not marry someone who doesn't see me as the love of their life," he wrote.
It's understandable that he's feeling self-conscious about where he stands with his fiancée, especially after she's made it known how much love she still has for her ex. Nobody wants to feel like a second choice.
However, it's worth having a conversation with her before completely throwing away their relationship based on assumptions.
She was clearly in an emotional place hearing Swift's song and it's possible her comments were not entirely in line with her feelings. Just because she still holds an immense amount of love for her ex doesn't mean she doesn't love her fiancé and want to spend the rest of her life with him.
Nia Tipton is a Chicago-based entertainment, news, and lifestyle writer whose work delves into modern-day issues and experiences.