Longtime Dating Coach Reveals 5 Unintentional Ways Women Lose Men They Love
He's not gonna stick around if you do these things.
stevecoleimages | Canva So you're dating that new guy and things are going swimmingly. You floated home from the first date and already had the drapes picked out for the home you'd be living in together.
Y'know what? Dates like that are the kind that we all dream about and it happens to us guys too, but slow down girl before you act on those feelings.
Here are 5 unintentional ways women lose men they love:
1. Saying "I love you" too soon
Two dates and "he's the one?" You'd better get those feelings in check and slow your emotions down or "he's gone!"
According to a study the sweet spot to say "I love you," for the first time is around three months in.
We all need affection, yes, even tough guys, but can I decide if I even like you first before you've got us picking out patterns and hiring a caterer?
You've listened to tip number one and you're cool, calm, and collected. Things are going well and he's invited you over to his place! Woo hoo!
You watch a movie and eat Chinese takeout together on his comfy couch. Now he's in the kitchen and preparing to do dishes and you push him aside to show how domestic you are.
He shrugs and allows you to do the dishes. So he puts water to boil for tea and you continue your dominance like you're his mother.
Stop! Don't do it! For cripes sake allow him to serve you too! Men need to serve their women, just as women need to "take care of their man."
2. You don't allow him to do domestic things for you
If a man feels that it will always be you serving him, he'll either get lazy and expect it to always be that way (a nightmare for you down the road) or he'll find someone else that will allow him to be in an equal partnership where each serves the other; the only healthy way to be.
Don't get me wrong here, as guys we love domestic women, who know their way around a kitchen, and take good care of us. Allow us the same privilege of doing the same for you occasionally! You can always clean up after us (ninja-like) if we screw it up!
Pexels / Juan Pablo Serrano
A few years ago I dated a wonderful woman who upon hearing I was ill, came over with home-made chicken soup and took good care of me. My son and dad were here and I raved about what an amazing girlfriend I had and how lucky I was!
Several days later we were talking and she wanted to discuss what occurred that day. She stated how uncomfortable she was about the way I was talking about her to my family and that she wasn't used to men saying nice things about her.
I jokingly responded "Okay, I'll never say anything nice about you again" to which she replied, "Yes, I would prefer that."
When I said "You're joking, right?" she replied, "No, I'm serious, it makes me very uncomfortable." A shiver went through me at that point as I realized that I was in love with a woman with very low self-esteem, who simply could not accept compliments.
People with low self-esteem aren't the best at healthy relationships. For example, research finds that people with low self-esteem avoid dealing with conflicts in their relationships, fearing rejection. This can lead to a worsening relationship or even a breakup
It wasn't very long after those comments that we were not a couple anymore.
3. Not being able to accept compliments with grace
The only proper response to any compliment is "thank you." No more, and no less. Never, ever say "Oh that's not true," or "You must be talking about someone else."
Never joke about a compliment, just take it, and do not give one back immediately. When you give one right back it waters down the love that someone is attempting to show you.
When a man compliments you, especially in front of friends or family, he is saying in his way "I really love this woman."
Complimenting you is our way of showing how much we appreciate who you are, what you do, and how you treat us. When you deflect it, you may experience him not repeating that behavior.
Now this next one may surprise you. It sure surprised me, but after speaking to many men of different ages it was obvious that this is a challenge for many of us.
4. Being too intimately or physically aggressive on a first date
Really? I mean really? Thinking about this personally I guess it was fine when I was young. However, as I age (yeah, 'cause I'm like, y'know, ancient!) I wonder "What is she trying to compensate for?"
I have a very large friend who is a personal trainer. Great guy, good-looking, a true "man's man." A ways back I set him up with another friend of mine and got an interesting call after their first date.
He didn't want to see her again because she was so aggressive during their initial meeting that it intimidated him!
Now while this behavior won't chase me away personally, it does raise "red flags."
Another friend of mine has some "goth friends." They dress a little differently, act a little differently, look a little differently, and listen to music that is a little different.
They can sometimes be a bit pessimistic and dark in their behaviors. His girlfriend will not even come into his house when they are there and if they show up, she will simply take her leave.
It's become a "them or me" situation for him, and my feeling is that she will come out on the short end, at the end of the day.
5. You tell him "I hate your friends/family"
If they don't, you shouldn't, at least not verbally. And even if they do, you still shouldn't!
Few things will chase a guy away faster than complaining about his friends. I mean after all, your friends are one of the few things in life that you can pick, and if you disapprove of your guy's friends, you are in effect disapproving of him.
I know that's a stretch, but try it and see how that works for you!
Now when it comes to family, you're truly treading on thin ice, especially if you're new in his life. The best bet for you is to keep those ill feelings to yourself, even if he is the one complaining about his family. Take the high ground, or better, just listen to him, smile, and tell him it'll all be okay!
Always be yourself ladies, and don't lie about anything. However cater your behavior with humility, class, acceptance, and humor, and you'll attract the same in return.
David "Spike" Osterczy is a dating coach and the chief executive officer of NoMoSA Art (No More Starving Artists.)