5 Lies Women Tell Themselves When They're Falling In Love With A Married Man
Hint: It isn't pretty.
LightField Studios / Shutterstock There are millions of reasons men cheat on their girlfriends and wives, and just as many reasons why someone is willing to become the other woman in the equation. Yet, no matter how good an excuse may seem or how many lies you to tell yourself to justify your feelings when you find yourself falling in love with a married man, nothing can change the simple fact that when someone is cheating, someone else is being hurt.
We all know how much damage cheating causes.
Whether it's in a relationship or on an exam, the act is clearly wrong. Sure, it’s not realistic to expect people be completely honest 100 percent of the time, but that’s no reason to think it's acceptable to betray someone.
But, hey, who am I to judge? We’ve all faced times when we've had to make difficult choices in our romantic relationships, and the heart does want what it wants, or so the song goes.
So what happens when what the heart wants is someone who's already taken?
Getting involved in an affair with a married man is a dangerous flame to flirt with. You open your heart to a lot of potential hurts, because even when you try to tell yourself that you won't get attached or that the relationship is purely physical, you know on some level there will be feelings involved, and not all of them will feel good.
Here are five lies women tell themselves so they feel better about falling in love with a married man in order to help you avoid falling into the same traps.
1. What his wife doesn't know won't hurt her.
That's not true at all. Just because she doesn't know about it, that doesn't mean that whenever she does find out — and she will eventually — it won't destroy her. She has devoted her life to this man while thinking that he, too, had devoted his life to her. They made vows to each other, promised to love each other forever, through sickness and health, you know how it goes, so how can you believe that finding out her husband turned his back on their marriage by having an affair with another woman won't hurt her?
2. It's purely physical.
Most people who enter into an extramarital relationship try to tell themselves this. They think they'll be able to keep things casual and then walk away at any point scot-free — no harm, no foul. Unfortunately, that's not how it works.
No matter how many times people make these promises to themselves, it's nearly impossible to follow through. When you spend so much time with someone connecting on that level, it's rare that one or both people involved don't develop feelings, and feelings make things complicated.
3. I know better than to get attached.
This goes right along with trying to keep a relationship purely physical and nothing more.
Many women have a tough time being intimate with someone and not also becoming emotionally attached, at least to an extent.
Even though in your head you have been well aware from the get-go of the fact that he's married and has no plans to leave his wife, it's rarely as simple as telling yourself that no matter, you will not fall for him. Sure, there are people who manage to pull it off, but do you really want to take the gamble and find out whether or not you'll beat the odds? They are definitely stacked against you.
4. He'll leave his wife for me... when he's ready.
But honey, you've got to know that almost never happens. He may tell you that you're the one he really wants to be with and that he doesn't want to stay with his wife, but the vast majority of the time he'll just be saying that to keep you with him a little bit longer.
Men know what women want to hear — especially married men, considering they've got some experience there — and they're not afraid to tell you whatever they need to in order to keep having fun with their affair.
5. She's so mean to him, he'd better off without her.
A married man who is willing to cheat on his wife will clearly say anything to convince another woman she's doing nothing wrong by being with him. He's not beneath telling you how horrible his wife is or that they fight constantly and he just can't take her drama and abuse any longer. These excuses may not be anything more than bald-faced lies. He and his wife may actually have a reasonably happy marriage and you'd be none the wiser.
After all, when it comes down to it, how can you trust anything a man says to you when he's in the process of trying to make you the other woman?
Madelyn Rennie is a writer and frequent contributor to YourTango. She's written since 2016.