The Lie That Keeps Women From Finding Healthy Relationships, According To A Psychologist
Therapist Jeff Guenther's pep talk for anyone wondering if they'll ever find love.
JESSICA TICOZZELLI | Canva Some people are raised with unconditional love and parents who help their kids feel inherently loveable. For the rest of us, the feeling of being worthy isn't so easy to come by, we have to work toward it.
The bad news is, there are people out there who will try to make you feel like you need to be perfectly healthy in order to be loved. But licensed therapist Jeff Guenther disagrees, explaining why in an inspiring video.
The lie keeping women from great relationships? That you're 'too much' to be loved
You don't have to be 'over' trauma or emotional messiness to have a healthy relationship
You're are never too hard to love. Those flaws and imperfections you hate so much are endearing. Guenther says, "You do not have too much trauma, baggage, or insecurities to be in a healthy relationship."
I get it, this might be hard to believe. We are led to think for we are the only people who are "messed up" in life. That we are too sad, too explosive, or too reckless healthy love. But most everyone feels this at some time, yet Guenther says, "There are tons of people that think your specific brand of weird is so hot."
'However much you are is the exact right amount'
He continues, "There's nothing else you need to work on before you start dating again." The truth is, you're good enough just the way you are right now. You're dateable enough just as you are — despite your baggage.
Who you are authentically is fine and not too much or too little. Guether ends with, "However much you are is the exact right amount." But how can we begin to feel good enough? Well, counselor Danielle Render Turmaud might be able to help us.
Self-affirmations will help you believe in yourself
Feeling not good enough is a universal experience. Learning how to get over those tough emotions is challenging work. This is why it's important to incorporate self-affirmations into your daily routine.
Turmaud writes, "Self-affirmations may help to decrease feelings of powerlessness in our lives, help us see past the challenge in front of us, increase our self-competence, promote a positive self-image, reconnect us to our core values, and foster positive emotions." But that's not all.
Research from the University of California, Santa Barbara supports the theory that self-affirmations can also help improve motivation, concentration, and performance. Turmaud explains that self-affirmations help us reconnect or connect to our inner selves and figure out what it is we truly desire.
You might be wondering how you can use self-love affirmations. Turmaud suggests engaging in these behaviors:
- Take out quotes or passages that have meaning to you.
- Only focus on your strengths and list them out.
- Say, "I can do —," to remind yourself that you're capable.
- Write encouraging notes and try sticking them on your mirror or wall.
This can seem like a pain, "It's too much work," you say screaming into the abyss. However, if we want to heal and be better, we must do put in the effort by beginning with the little things.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, and family topics.