6 Incredibly Classy Ways To Move On After A Horrible Breakup
Move on without regretting your actions or words.
Alena Shekhovtsova | Canva I don’t have to tell you how devastating and downright raw a breakup can be. Whether you saw warning signs or were caught unaware, breakups suck.
Often, we’re so hurt that we act irrationally for months or years afterward. Later, when it all dies down, you look back and think, “Oh wow, did I act like that?” If this has ever happened to you, rest assured you aren’t alone.
Even if the actual split already happened and you feel terrible, here’s how to handle a breakup gracefully.
Here are 6 incredibly classy ways to move on after a horrible breakup:
1. Find a breakup buddy
Get one of your friends to help you with sticking to civility and handling logistics when it comes to dealing with your ex. Sometimes, we don’t think logically when going through a separation. That's the understatement of the year for lots of us!
Having a rational breakup buddy (who isn’t going through heartbreak) to run your ideas past is helpful. Your friend can help keep you from doing something you’ll regret and provide you with a shoulder to cry on that doesn’t belong to your ex. If you have to move your household items, having someone to help who can remain neutral in the face of a potentially sobbing fit is another bonus.
2. Plan your meetings (mentally) ahead of time
It helps to think about what you will say or do if you have to meet with them again for any reason.
If they don’t let you have a shared piece of furniture, how will you respond? Or, if they get angry and speak to you poorly, how will you handle it? Of course, it would be better to remain calm and rational, but your feelings are hurt, too.
Make it easier by planning for what may come and deciding how you'll behave because they're going through a range of emotions like you are. Don't fly off the handle and do or say something that you’ll regret.
3. Choose your words wisely
This is probably the most challenging suggestion, especially when you’re hurting.
Consider these things:
How many times have you said something you regretted?
How many times have you begged or acted pathetic?
Ever felt like if you just hadn’t said “that one thing,” you might not have broken up?
Being mindful of what you say is one of the most important things on this list, and you can bounce ideas off of your breakup buddy to make sure.
4. Handle any shared responsibilities fairly
Usually, a breakup comes with some dividing up of property, time with kids, pets, etc. When you’re dealing with shared things, there is the potential for either of you to cling to items in the hope of reconciliation. Some people are so heartbroken they bitterly let their ex have everything in vain, hoping they’ll gain favor or cut ties completely. Neither is balanced.
Make plans to divide things and resolve to be as fair as possible. Consider it future relationship karma. If you act like a crazy-pants now and try to get everything, don’t be surprised if it comes back to bite you later.
5. Accept that you're broken up.
Whether you want your ex back or not, it’s time to accept that there is a breakup. People can have a hard time admitting the end has arrived and end up stalling and dragging it out unnecessarily, which will cause you both more drama and heartbreak than required.
Even if you think you eventually might want to try to get your ex back, work on accepting that your relationship is currently broken. This can be difficult, especially if you love them and don’t want it to end, but you can fake it until you make it.
Move your stuff out, get your loose ends sorted, and start living like you’re single. For right now, put the focus back on yourself.
6. Clear out your social media.
Watching your ex happily (or not) move on after your breakup is a recipe for more heartbreak. Don’t post status updates meant to get a rise out of them.
Unfriend, unfollow, and otherwise untangle yourself from them online. This cuts down on cyberstalking and keeps you from re-opening the wound with every status update.
Elizabeth Stone is a love coach and founder of Attract The One and Luxe Self. Her work has been featured in Zoosk, PopSugar, The Good Men Project, Bustle, Ravishly, SheKnows, Mind’s Journal, and more.