If You Have To Convince Yourself It's A Good Relationship, It's Not
You should feel confident in your relationship.
Bricolage / Shutterstock The health of relationships is a paradox. Am I really happy? Is this relationship good for me? If you don't know the answer, then you actually do know the answer.
That's because a super-positive relationship is self-evident. If you constantly catch yourself looking for reasons to justify its existence, it's probably not a reassuring sign for your future together.
Before we get too deep, let's make one thing clear: Of course, people have questions, doubts, and concerns ... even in the best relationships. The warning sign is when you find yourself constantly rationalizing the negatives in your relationship, or listing out pros and cons in order to make yourself feel better about your doubts.
It's challenging because it's so hard to know when you're in a bad relationship. When you run into bumps in the road, you ask yourself, "Are these the hardships strong couples are supposed to fight through?"
And it's true, no relationship is ever 100 percent easy all the time. Even the best couples are going to have struggles and friction. The difference is that the couple in a great relationship, unfailingly knows in their hearts that the struggle is worth it. It's when you don't know if it's worth it that you're in trouble.
You have to convince yourself you're in a good relationship because you don't intrinsically feel it. But if you felt it, you wouldn't need convincing.
If you don't feel like you're in a good relationship, then are you? Even if you can find logical reasons why it should be, which sounds good in your head?
A great relationship is when your head AND your heart agree. Your heart doesn't need logical reasoning from your brain, and your brain doesn't need to be persuaded emotionally by your heart. It's rare, but then, so are great relationships.
Don't take this advice to mean you should feel floored and in love with butterflies in your stomach 24/7 to know you're in a good relationship. Conversely, if you consistently feel creeping doubt that you have to push away, it might be time to address it directly. It's much better than playing moderator in an internal debate between your head and your heart.
If you're unhappy, just ask yourself why. Don't try to convince yourself you shouldn't be. If the answer is that you would be happier without your relationship too many times in a row, it's time to think about a change.
Bob Alaburda is a senior editor at dvm360. His work has appeared in the Huffington Post, Ravishly, and more.