How Performing An 'Ex-Orcism' Got Rid Of My Bad Relationship Energy
Because ghosts aren't the only thing that can haunt people.
Hector Roqueta / Shutterstock If you know me well, then you already know that my love life has been pretty toxic.
In fact, I can honestly say that my love life has been so terrible to me that it’s caused me PTSD. It’s so bad that I can no longer believe people when they say that “not all men are bad,” even though I am in a marriage pact with someone who treats me well.
I still get panic attacks at night worrying about when things will turn sour.
I can’t begin to explain how bad men have failed me and how bad my dating life has screwed me up emotionally.
My friends all know this, and they’ve also all seen me have anxiety. Even the guy I’m engaged to is aware of it — and yes, he’s very supportive.
Recently, this all came to a head when I told my friend about some of the bad events in my love life.
Upon hearing my stories, my friend looked at me, and told me, “Dude, you need an ex-orcism. That bad juju is what’s keeping good stuff at bay.”
So, what’s an ex-orcism? Obviously, that was the next question I had to ask.
Basically, my friend said that an ex-orcism is a ritual in which you get rid of all the crap your exes gave you and all the stuff that reminds you of them. Then, you clean your house, burn a little sage, and give your signal to the universe that your exes need to buzz off.
The idea behind it is that the vibes of people around us tend to get into our stuff, and the heavier you associate that clothing item with person, the more their vibes are attached to it.
If you think about it, it makes sense and is a great idea for getting rid of your ex and their bad energy.
So, I ended up doing a massive overhaul in my home.
Four trash bags got filled with clothing that reminded me of bad times, old gifts, old jewelry, the works. I even got rid of clothing that just no longer fit me, even though I adore baggy clothes.
Gone went the fake flower my ex made me. Gone were all the rings that my ex bought for me. Gone were jeans and t-shirts I wore with my ex's favorite color on them.
Out went that yellow puffy jacket that I bought while with the father of my child. Out went the sex toys and the costumes they bought me. Out, out, out.
Most impressively? Out went the hair dye that used to be my trademark color. I went hard on this one.
It was not easy to throw away all that stuff. It ended up being a total of five large trash bags. My room, once a giant, cluttered mess, had a visible floor and dust-free shelves. My closet looked threadbare.
I then lit up some sage and decided to pour myself a very well-deserved glass of white wine.
Here’s why this ruled: My room, once the ex-orcism had been wrapped up, looked almost completely empty.
There were no more knickknacks lining the walls. Gone were the jewels my ex gave me. Clothing I wore regularly went bye-bye, simply because it reminded me of bad times.
Immediately, once I took stock of things, I began to realize how stuck I was. All those little objects were, in fact, keeping me in the past.
With all the empty space staring me in the face, I realized that I had outgrown so much of my stuff.
It then sank in how much clothing I needed to replace and how few articles of clothing I'd even miss from the piles I threw out. Even some of the furniture I kept seemed out of place these days.
I looked at the Hello Kitty hanging door organizer I bought and realized that it was just... old. It looked terrible, worn out, and tacky. That’s probably going to be replaced.
It was as if my entire room was telling me, “Look at how far you’ve come.”
Studies suggest that uncluttered rooms are seen as more peaceful to people. Feeling the vibe back there, I am inclined to agree.
Maybe it was the wine talking, or maybe it was the fact that all that bad juju was gone. Whatever it was, I realized I might be a little bit better off and that the past is really gone.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer based out of Red Bank, New Jersey whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, Newtheory Magazine, and others. Follow her on Twitter for more.