Husband Concerned That His Wife Is Trying To Get Him To Divorce Her By Acting Erratically After Several Health Scares
"She’s determined to get divorced but also determined that she can make me be the one to initiate it."
4 PM production / Shutterstock A husband admitted that he's unsure about the future of his marriage after noticing a drastic change in how his wife has been treating him. Posting to the subreddit "r/AmIOverreacting" — an online public forum where individuals share personal stories and seek advice about whether or not their reactions are justified — he revealed that his 30-year marriage has been "hanging by a thread" for some time now.
He believes his wife has been trying to get him to divorce her by acting erratically after several health scares.
In his Reddit post, he explained that his wife has had a tremendous amount of health scares, including a mastectomy and thyroid issues that have complicated her menopause. Most of these happened over a decade ago, but recently, she developed a cyst on her face that has left a scar in its wake. Each time a new illness overtook her body, he noticed that she would grow more distant and display some "troublesome behaviors."
"First, she wanted to be celibate. I said OK because I really love her," he recalled. "Then she got to where she couldn’t be touched, not by anyone, not our adult daughter, not her friends. She bought us a king bed and special pillows to build a wall."
Photo: 4 PM production / Shutterstock
On top of that, the scar on his wife's face has led to her picking fights with him because she believed he was lying when he told her that the scar wasn't noticeable. The small tiff often escalated to the point where she would accuse him of not loving her anymore — something he fervently denied.
Her behavior, however, constantly switched at the drop of the hat. One moment, she would claim to love him, and the next, she would deny it — and vice versa.
He provided examples, writing, "Once a week, maybe, when I am doing something, typically eating a bowl of cereal, she hugs me from behind and sometimes even says 'I love you,' but when I say 'yay, you’re being sweet!' she immediately runs away and blurts out 'no, I hate you' in a very not-kidding voice."
He insisted that he's put up with her erratic behavior because he views marriage as being a serious commitment where you stick beside someone through thick and thin. Unfortunately, this mindset shouldn't be applied blindly in situations where one person's well-being is consistently compromised.
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Although he has stuck beside his wife through some of her more serious health scares, he believes she is trying to force him into initiating a divorce.
"She’s determined to get divorced but also determined that she can make me be the one to initiate it," he wrote.
His wife's behavior may stem from a fear that he will leave her despite his continued support. Sadly, it's not uncommon for a partner to leave their sick spouse — and it occurs much more frequently to women than men.
A study, which appeared in the Journal of Health and Social Behavior, was conducted over a decade and examined around 2,700 marriages in which one spouse was ill. It found that when the wife was ill, around one-third of the marriages ended in divorce. Meanwhile, the researchers discovered that husbands being sick did not affect the marriages as those couples generally stayed together.
Even though the man on Reddit has stuck beside his wife through her more severe illnesses, something about the scar on her face appears to have convinced her that he will divorce her. As a result, she has been trying her hardest to get him to divorce her first, likely in a misguided attempt to protect herself, hurting her husband in the process.
In any relationship, whether you're married or simply dating, if you ever feel that the person you're with isn't someone you want anymore, the best thing to do is end the relationship without playing games — many of which constitute emotional abuse. Many people in the comments of the man's Reddit post insisted that what he's going through is a form of abuse, and he shouldn't stand for it, no matter how much he loves his wife. He should love himself enough to leave an unhealthy situation.
Even though it will be difficult, divorcing his wife and moving on with his life might just be the best solution. Dragging out a relationship when you're no longer invested only prolongs the pain for both people involved and prevents either from finding true happiness.
Nia Tipton is a Chicago-based entertainment, news, and lifestyle writer whose work delves into modern-day issues and experiences.