Husband 'Completely Shut Down' After An Emergency That Almost Ended His Wife's Life— 'This May Be The End Of My Family'
She feels betrayed by his behavior and lack of a response to her ordeal.
Juice Flair / Shutterstock Sometimes, we go through experiences that are so traumatic we can barely talk about them.
That’s exactly what happened to one husband whose wife experienced a medical emergency that almost took her life. Now, his wife is left wondering how they can ever come back from this if they can’t process it together.
The husband struggled after his wife and mother of his children experienced tragedy.
One woman had a terrifying experience when she had a miscarriage, which she shared on Reddit.
“A few weeks ago, I suffered a miscarriage that [led] to hemorrhaging while at home with our two-year-old, who was sleeping at the time,” she said. “[My husband] had been at work and got here at the same time as the ambulance. His first inclination was not to come to me, who was being attended by the paramedics, but to rush upstairs to grab our son.”
“I passed out shortly thereafter but was told that he had been informed that our toddler would not be able to enter the hospital, so he stayed home with our toddler,” she continued. “I coded at the hospital, and it took two hours to stabilize me for surgery. My brother and his family are the only close relatives, and they were in Europe on holiday, so there really wasn’t anyone he could have called to take our son.”
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This did not make the woman happy at all. “I was in the hospital for a week, during which time he mainly texted me with occasional calls during which he did not want to discuss much of what happened to me,” she stated. “He would discuss his day and our toddler’s day as though it was just a normal conversation, and I was not on the other end in the hospital, having almost died a few days before.”
This wife doesn’t know what to do about her husband. “Since leaving the hospital, I returned to pack a few bags and pick up our son. I said nothing to my husband about how utterly betrayed I feel about how emotionless he has been throughout this entire ordeal,” she explained. “I am staying with my brother. My sister-in-law is helping with my son while I recover. My husband thinks this is so he can go back to work. The truth is I don’t want to be near him.”
Everyone responds to trauma differently.
Reddit commenters were incredibly supportive of this woman, which she surely needed after all she had been through. One thing that many pointed out is that everyone reacts to trauma in their own unique ways.
There is medical evidence to back up this commonly repeated idea. According to the University of Maryland Medical System, “There’s no ‘right’ way to respond to trauma. How you respond is less concerning to medical providers than how that response influences your life. Reactions to trauma may be severe or mild, but neither is a sign of mental illness.”
Furthermore, “Trauma affects you differently depending on whether you have experienced it once, repeatedly or over the course of time … Your life history, support systems, and coping skills will alter your experience.”
This is likely one reason that this woman’s husband struggled so much.
The woman also shared some background information about her husband so that readers could fully understand him and his reaction. It seemed to explain a lot.
“My husband has never been great at handling any sort of trauma or conflict,” she said. “He had a traumatic childhood … My husband’s inability to cope with trauma has been a contentious issue. He has been in therapy about this for years, but it’s not something he has been able to overcome.”
While it certainly sounds like this wife understands why her husband isn't offering the support and understanding she needs at this time, but that also doesn't mean she has to accept it. Without resolution this tragedy will keep coming up as a point of contention in their marriage.
That being said, if her husband allows himself the discomfort of working through his past and they seek guidance with a therapist, they can likely get through this.
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer for YourTango who covers entertainment, news and human interest topics.