Husband Decides To Put His Wife On A 'Strict Allowance' After She Racks Up $150K In Debt
Was he wrong to give her those conditions?
Tijana Simic / Canva Pro A worried husband turned to Reddit for advice about finances after learning his wife had gotten them into a whopping amount of debt.
He explained they have a joint account in which he contributes three-quarters of the funds, and she adds the last quarter to cover the mortgage, utilities, and groceries. They have separate accounts for their individual interests and are responsible for their own investments and car payments.
Until recently, he assumed everything was fine, but she came crying to him about her poor financial situation.
A husband put his wife on a 'strict allowance' after she racked up $150k in debt.
His wife found herself in deep debt, spread over several credit cards and a car loan, and asked him for help paying her out. To keep her from ruining her credit and declaring bankruptcy, he agreed to loan he the money under strict conditions. He said he would take over her finances, receive her paychecks, and place her on a strict budget and allowance.
He wrote, "She will have to ask permission to buy anything over $50 and have to go by my judgment. Once she pays me back the money, she can take control of her own finances."
She was, of course, very unwilling in the beginning.
He says she argued back, unwilling to have a leash around her spending. "I pointed out I don’t have $150,000 in cash stuff[ed] in the couch. I will have to sell some assets, including stocks that are currently performing well. If I loan her the money, it will cost me money."
She finally agreed to the conditions, but a night out with friends resulted in an ugly argument, calling into question the amount of control he exerted over their relationship.
At dinner one night, her friends decided they wanted to take a girls’ trip. Following her guidelines, she asked her husband if she could afford it. Newsflash — it wasn't in her budget.
An ugly argument ensued that was exacerbated by excessive drinks and rowdy friends. He wrote, "I’ll spare you the details of the argument that erupted, but the TLDR version is that I’m a misogynist pig who keeps her on a leash. Some argued I should have bailed her out without conditions because there should be none in a marriage. The hurtful part is that she didn’t once defend me."
Photo: Konstantin Postumitenko / Canva Pro
Now, he wonders if he should just revoke the conditions and allow her to spend her money as she wants.
He later edited his post to address some comments that were left. He explained that her only contribution was her quarter to the joint home account. He pays for dates, trips, etc. He also refrained from bringing up her debt in front of her friends because he didn't want to embarrass her.
Financial incompatibility in marriage could signal the end of the relationship.
The overwhelming consensus was that the husband did nothing wrong and that his wife was irresponsible and unremorseful. Many commenters urged the husband to file for divorce before she had the opportunity to rack up more debt.
A recent survey by Fidelity Investments found that one in five couples named money as their biggest relationship challenge. Add to that the findings that 64% of couples label themselves as "financially incompatible" with their partners, and you've got a recipe for disaster if you're not on the same page when it comes to money, budgets, and saving.
UK-based counselor Georgina Sturmer told VeryWellMind, “Our approach to finances is often shaped by our upbringing and personal history, in the same way that our approach to relationships is shaped by these factors. If we have conflicting approaches to financial management, it can lead to anxiety, frustration, resentment, anger, mistrust, and fear.”
It's obvious that this husband and wife are financially incompatible, but does that mean their relationship is doomed? According to a study from 2012, it's not a good sign. The findings suggest that the more a couple disagrees about finances, the higher the probability of divorce. That's not to say it's inevitable, but finding financial balance will take a lot of hard work.
This couple likely needs more than just a budget — they need to work with a professional to learn how to communicate properly and get on the same page when it comes to their financial differences.
Madison Piering is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team, specializing in human interest and pop culture topics.