Husband 'Demands' His Wife Lose Weight While Taking Care Of Two Children
It sounds like this husband might be emotionally abusive.
Jacob Lund / Shutterstock When one partner expects too much of the other, it can be frustrating and overwhelming.
One husband didn’t show a very good understanding of his wife when he told her she had to lose weight, all while taking care of two young children.
A husband demanded that his wife lose weight while she cared for their two children.
An upset wife and mother took to Reddit to ask for advice after the near-ultimatum her husband gave her.
“Last night my husband blew up on me (he’s been giving me the cold shoulder for a couple weeks),” she explained. “He says I need to lose weight and stop being lazy, I’ve been on [maternity] leave for too long and it’s time to get in shape.”
“I am overweight,” she admitted. “I have been since we met. He has always had an issue with my weight, though.”
In addition to apparently resenting her weight over the years, her husband also had some harsh things to say.
“He said he’s sick of it and that I’m a bad influence on the kids,” she recounted.
This, understandably, left this woman feeling awful.
“I feel pretty sick about it,” she confessed. “I do want to exercise and feel stronger, but this just makes me feel depressed and gross.”
This wife is now worried about her future with her husband and what steps she should take.
“It’s like if I don’t work out and lose weight, he’s going to hate me,” she said. “This doesn’t seem like a healthy or supportive approach. I’m not even sure what to say to him. I just want to be quiet and avoid him.”
To top it all off, the woman is caring for two very young children, one of whom she gave birth to not very long ago. “I have a three-year-old and one-year-old,” she said.
It is unclear how her husband expects her to get anything extra done, especially since she is on a workout regimen and diet plan with two children so young.
Reddit commenters were convinced this woman was in an abusive relationship.
The wife’s fellow Reddit users tried to warn her about the abusiveness of her husband's behavior.
“You know what’s more ‘unhealthy’ than being overweight?” one asked. “Being in an emotionally abusive relationship.”
Another said, “This makes me so angry. He’s teaching your children that this is how moms and dads are supposed to act toward one another. He’s not modeling kindness or creating a peaceful home.”
“The fact that he chooses to criticize this, berate and belittle you, is abusive,” a third person added.
While it’s easy to post a comment on Reddit making a claim about a relationship you know little about, these people might actually be right.
It seems like this woman’s marriage could be emotionally abusive.
While we can’t exactly diagnose this couple’s problems without more information, emotional abuse seems plausible for them.
Very Well Mind said, “In general, a relationship is emotionally abusive when there is a consistent pattern of abusive words and bullying behaviors that wear down a person’s self-esteem and undermine their mental health.”
This certainly sounds like what is happening here.
Also, according to Very Well Mind, “One sign of emotional abuse is that the other person places unrealistic expectations on you.”
Asking a mother not very far out from giving birth who is caring for two young children to lose weight could definitely be considered an unrealistic expectation.
“Criticizing” is listed as one form of emotional abuse by Very Well Mind. Another is the “silent treatment,” which is clear from this mother’s post her husband employed before telling her to lose weight.
This heartbreaking situation goes far beyond a husband wishing his wife would shed a few pounds. Instead, it veers into the territory of abuse, and she should really consider leaving.
If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence or the threat of domestic violence, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline for help at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233), or go to www.thehotline.org
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer for YourTango who covers entertainment, news and human interest topics.