How To Respond To Ghosting: 10 Ways To Stay Calm & Move On
You're better off.
Cookie Studio / shutterstock There are literally few things as heartbreaking or traumatic as being ghosted, stood up, or dumped by someone you have feelings for, romantic or not. And when the person gives no explanation for ghosting, it's a special kind of traumatic.
Whether it's a friend or a romantic interest, the reasons someone could have ghosted you are numerous. You may have been ghosted because there is no chemistry, the ghoster is simply the type of person who can't handle confrontation, perhaps reconnected with their ex, is dating someone else, or just isn't into you.
Them withdrawing from all communication happens suddenly without explanation and you wonder what to say to someone who you think is ghosting you.
How do you respond to ghosting?
It's hard because some people find ghosting an acceptable way of dealing with circumstances, however, others can take it very personally.
Should you respond to ghosting at all? If you don't think the relationship with the person who's ghosting you isn't going to go anywhere or benefit you then it's best to let it go.
No matter the reason, it just proves that no matter who a person is or what their background may be, anyone is capable of ghosting. The important thing is to know how to respond to ghosting when it happens.
RELATED: How To React When Someone Who Ghosted You Messages You Again
1. Honor your feelings.
It's important to process how you feel.
It's normal to feel confused. The key is to focus on yourself when a date doesn't show up because there may not even be a logical reason why things went down this way.
It's okay to go over the minor details: Did we confirm our plans? Could I have communicated better? Was it something I said?
But whatever you do, remember: just because someone has a certain title, background, or reputation, no one is perfect. Every rose has its thorn.
2. Accept the situation as it is.
Every life experience is a teacher. Some lessons are more painful than others and it's not like you need a clinical psychologist to tell you that.
When disappointments or breakups like this come your way, tell yourself it's better to know who you were dealing with now than to find out later when things got more serious. It might sound a bit crazy, but expressing gratitude for disappointments like this does help.
Emotional pain can reveal where you need to improve for when future disappointment takes place. Take this moment to set up solid dating rules and habits to lessen the odds of self-blame.
Think of what you might do to take care of yourself if anything like this happens again. Whatever you do, try not to lose your cool.
3. Send a final text message to clarify the situation.
You can send something like this: "Hi, I would like to talk about what happened." Then, wait and see.
When I say wait and see, I don't mean to wait by the phone worrying, or allowing yourself to get angry and frustrated. Set a time frame for when you expect to hear back after you've left a message.
The nice part of you wants to give the benefit of the doubt. The angry part of you wants to not waste an entire evening feeling neglected.
If you had a date set up, that's serious business. You deserve to have your time respected!
However, don't call or text more than once. You will regret doing so if the person who stood you up never responds, and if something legitimately was wrong, you'll feel even worse.
4. Don't post a rant on social media.
It takes a lot of time and energy to do your hair, pick out an outfit, get your makeup on, and chances are you look amazing.
It's important to honor your beautiful self by not wasting your efforts or allowing your anger to get to the point where you tell the world what has happened.
Remember that even if you delete a post, that digital footprint is out there forever and hard to erase. Instead, call or text someone you trust to vent and receive some much-needed affirmation that your response is natural.
5. If your date calls or texts, don't ask what happened — just listen.
When a person does something wrong, they should try to make things right. That starts with an explanation.
That's what apologetic people do. You don't need to be on the end of the begging stick. You know what happened. They know what happened. You left a message saying you want to talk about what happened.
You did your part. Relationships require two responsible adults who want to be held accountable to one another. Solid communication is part of that mutuality.
So, if you're the one doing all the talking, that will set the tone for the future.
6. Shift your thinking.
Rather than driving yourself mad thinking of all the possibilities, remember that being ghosted may actually have been for your benefit.
Think about it: you don't want a potential partner who doesn't care about how their actions affect you. Evaluate what you really want in a relationship and realize that you want to be a priority — something that ghoster clearly doesn't care about.
To put it bluntly, if this person has no interest in you, you have no interest in them. Keep that mindset as you deal with the fallout.
7. Let it go.
Once you've adopted this way of thinking, letting go of the pain, heartbreak, and trauma becomes easier. It may take some time, but the right attitude will lead you in a direction of healing.
Think about how you're better off without this uncaring person in your life.
Think about how you have a chance to date potential mates who have some semblance of kindness and respect to let you know in a mature way if they aren't interested.
Think about all the free time you will have to meet new people once you let that heartbreaking feeling of rejection go.
8. Talk to people you trust.
Don't take your anger out on the person who hurt you; instead, confide in close friends or a family member.
That doesn't mean you have to air all your dirty laundry or give them a rundown of what happened, but it does mean you'll have support. Having a support system of people who love you is not only comforting but is a reminder that you can still find companionship with those who know you best.
Plus, having a shoulder to lean on is reassuring that you aren't alone.
9. Celebrate yourself.
There is nothing worse than being all dressed up and have no one there to compliment you.
Instead, take some selfies — you can never have too many good ones. Call up a few friends, or order in your favorite Chinese meal; then, write down a list of all your amazing qualities.
Remember that you might have dodged a bullet. Someone who misses a date might be the same kind of person who forgets birthdays or fails to be there when you really need the support.
You might be disappointed not to get that time together, but be thankful that you only have one night of disappointment instead of an entire relationship.
10. Put yourself back out there.
After an experience like ghosting, you may feel reluctant to go on dates with other people. But don't wallow! Get back in the dating game and begin again, with a fresh start.
If you connected with another guy or girl, see where the possibilities take you. Communicate with them, get to know who they are and, if you hit it off, go out together. (Or, stay in and have a Zoom call.)
If it will give you peace of mind, have a discussion with your date about your personal experience with ghosting, and if it ever happened to them. Maybe you can even find common ground on never doing the same to anyone else.
The point is to stay open to talking to and meeting new people.
Good responses to ghosting
What to say to a date who ghosted you
Remember to stay calm, learn from the experience & move on. You don't want to be a doormat or a person who begs for another chance at a date. Relationships are about equality, after all.
If no explanation is given by the end of the conversation, it's a clue that it's time to move on.
Consider your own feelings and see if you actually do want to respond. If you do, then all you need to ask is "why?" and if they don't answer you then they weren't worth your time or energy anyways.
You can also call them out for their ghosting and let him know if he doesn't want to make plans with you or give a little effort then they can just delete your number.
What to say to a friend who ghosted you
If you were ghosted by a friend you care about, then you should actually try and understand why they did what they did.
Ask your friend how they are and let them know you are thinking about them.
If you hurt them and that's why they are ghosting you then you could let them know you're sorry and that you're here for them once they want to talk again.
Aria Gmitter, M.S, M.F.A., is YourTango's Senior Editor of Horoscopes and Spirituality. She's had work featured on Yahoo, PopSugar, Cosmopolitan, Prevention, and iHeartRadio. Follow her on Twitter or Facebook.