3 Harsh Reasons You Keep Attracting Cheaters
Set the scene for the love you want.
Rachel Claire | Pexels You and your friends get together for a night out, and you all wonder, "Why do I always attract the wrong people?"
Your friends tell you you are an amazing catch, but you seem to continue dating people who are too busy to see you or never call when they say they will.
The biggest dilemma for many women who are looking for love is they attract the wrong ones. People who leave them feeling disrespected and unloved. Yet, there is a positive side to meeting them.
Here are 3 harsh reasons you keep attracting cheaters:
1. You focus on the problems.
You overthink what used to go on in the relationship with your ex. Talking things out does help you release oxytocin, and it is a helpful form of processing on some level — but focusing on the problems you had in the past keeps the old relationship headaches showing up in the new people you are meeting and dating.
2. Your online dating profile isn't up to par.
Your online dating profile doesn't show enough of your preferences to weed out the men who do not have the standards you are looking for.
Another problem I've seen in women's profiles is leaving the men out of the picture altogether. We often are only thinking about what we want in a relationship. You also need to think about their side of the story and what you can offer a romantic partner.
3. You commit before they commit to you.
This is the most common thing that happens to so many women. You believe they want to see your eyes only. It doesn't matter how stunning you look in that dress tonight — if you are dating them exclusively and they are not seeing you exclusively, it isn't a balanced relationship.
How can you fix this?
Here are some quick looking-for-love fixes to find the right one for you.
1. Make a tally of positive aspects.
Compose a list of your exes and friends whose traits you find attractive. Then, focus on what you want in your life and what kind of person you want to meet.
Here are some examples of traits you might have on your list:
The calls to say they are running late
They are marriage-minded.
You feel respected when you spend time with them.
They listen when you talk.
Your ex and you had great chemistry, and that felt good.
They bought you flowers when there wasn't even a holiday.
They love their family.
These are the positive things. Make the good memories of the past your focus for an even better future, and appreciate where you are. If it feels bad when you think about it, tone it down until you can read the list, and it feels good.
2. Have great pictures and an amazing profile.
If you're looking for love online, consider the people who look at your profile without losing yourself. You want your needs met, and I can guarantee they do, too.
Give them a taste of what it will be like in your presence. In your profile, don't be afraid to show your vulnerability and sensuality, but also make it geared toward the right kind of person, not just anyone.
3. Take your time.
Allow yourself and any potential partner you are dating to get to know each other slowly. You'll think more clearly when your emotions are taking over. This will help you get the relationship you want.
When many women are physically intimate with someone too early, they start to feel bonded. In reality, this is a chemical concoction coming into play in your body.
When we have close physical contact, our bodies, and hearts are wrapped up in a hormone love brew that makes us feel attachment and wish we had something deeper.
Love is starting to bubble inside of us, and not always in the other person.
The best part of having these experiences with the wrong people is to give us clarity in our hearts and souls of what we want to ask the universe to bring us. So, ask for what you want.
When we are clear in our thinking about what we want and make a conscious effort to feel good as much as possible, the love we want will be right around the corner. And when you meet, it will be worth the wait.
Dina Colada is an author, speaker, and dating coach who specializes in helping single women navigate the modern world of online dating. Her work has appeared on sites like Prevention, MSN, Women’s Health, Plenty of Fish, and Zoosk.