The 5 Things My Husband Took With Him When He Left Our Family — And 5 Things He Left For Me To Deal With
In starting his new solo life, he left a lot behind.
Nicoleta Ionescu / Shutterstock An emotional and newly single mom of 4 named Samara shared a vulnerable missive from the front seat of her car, explaining that her kids’ dad left their family a few days earlier.
The shock of loss after a breakup can take many forms, especially if your partner leaves without a conversation or taking accountability for what they’re walking away from, like a shared home, children, and pets.
Samara seemed to be processing the experience, moving between sadness, anger, disappointment, and relief.
Here are 5 things her husband took when he left their family and 5 things he left behind:
1. A canoe
“He took his canoe, so he can go fishing and enjoy his [expletive] life,” she said, her anger and shock tangible.
“Did he take his dog? Did he take his kids? Did he take his snake? Did he take the 2 pet rats he just got?” she asked before answering her own question.
“No. No. He took his canoe,” she said. “So he can go fishing.”
2. A drone
In a separate post, Samara elaborated on her list of items her ex took with him to start the childfree, solo version of his life.
She didn’t explain why her ex owned a drone or what he might be doing with his high-tech equipment while living out his bachelor fantasies, while she figured out how to cover their rent, pay for groceries, and keep their kids well-nourished as the sole source of income for her household.
Maybe when her ex is bored of paddling around lakes looking for fish, he plays with his drone, like he’s a teenager in a live-action video game, which Samara noted did seem like a red flag in retrospect.
3. A ball
That’s it, just a ball.
Samara’s mood seemed to lighten as she shared this piece of salient information, highlighting that even in the hardest times, there are moments of levity if we can look past the forest for the trees.
Sometimes the healthiest way out of grief is laughter, as Samara seemed to discover in that moment.
4. Herbal tea
Next on her list of things her ex took was his collection of herbal teas, ostensibly so he could get cozy with a piping hot mug of chamomile while Samara navigated making dinner, cleaning the kitchen, giving her kids baths, and putting them to bed every night.
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5. Spices and seasonings
The last thing her ex took was “all his spices and seasonings.”
Samara didn’t elaborate on his process for raiding their kitchen, although she did smile slightly, as though she recognized the darkly funny silver lining of someone rummaging through cabinets for cinnamon and oregano before dipping out from a shared life.
6. His dog
Samara also shared five things her ex left behind that she wished he’d taken with him, including his dog.
Dogs, like their dog parents, are intuitive and empathic creatures, with a full range of emotions, including stress, anxiety and loneliness. We can hurt our pups’ feelings without even knowing it, and the decision to leave a furry friend behind seems callous, both to the animal and to Samara.
Samara’s ex left her entirely responsible for the dog’s care and feeding, along with any vet costs, all while balancing the care and feeding for their kids.
fizkes / Shutterstock
7. A snake
According to the VCA Animal Hospital, there are 2,500 species of snakes, including pythons and boa constrictors, which are commonly kept as pets.
Pythons range in size from 3 feet long to up to 18 feet long. They require cages kept at specific humidity and temperature levels, and they feast on small rodents, like mice or bunnies.
Samara’s ex packed up his suitcase yet left his snake behind to become one more fanged mouth for the single mom to feed.
It’s up to her to keep a scaly, cold-blooded tenant she doesn’t seem to want, which adds one more item to her already overloaded list of caregiving tasks.
8. His pet rats
Not only did he leave his dog and his snake, but Samara’s ex left the pet rats he apparently acquired before walking out.
Many people claim that rats are intelligent and loving pets, yet once again, a single mom of four kids doesn’t need anything else to take care of, especially rats she didn’t buy herself.
9. A bar of soap
On the list of things Samara shared that her ex left behind a crucial personal hygiene item: “His crusty [expletive] bar of soap.”
Samara’s apparent disgust at her ex’s use of bar soap shows that she recognizes his less appealing habits while also igniting the cultural conversation around the proper use of certain shower products to keep clean.
10. Their kids
In describing the things her ex left behind for her to deal with, Samara included their four kids. “Here I am, holding the bag, 100 percent fully financially responsible for all my kids,” she said tearfully.
“I got a rent payment, car payment, all those things on my own,” she explained. “He doesn’t have a job. So, I’m here, and I’m alone, and I’m left to take care of these things. Oh, and I just had a baby.”
“You hear that?” she asked tearfully, motioning to the backseat of her car as a baby cried. “I just had a baby. So, thank you. Honestly, thank you for giving me my time back.”
The heady mix of anger, relief, and exhaustion Samara expressed captured the highs and lows of the journey she’s found herself on.
“Now I can stop wasting my time; it just hurts because I really [expletive] love him a lot,” she said. “I have taken him back, have begged him back multiple times, actually, to be honest, and I’m like, for what, for what, so I’m just not alone?”
Samara revealed her sense of isolation, noting, “I’m having a little bit of a breakdown.”
“I’m sorry, TikTok. If you don’t want to see this or whatever, or you’re tired of seeing me cry on here, I don’t care because I have no other outlet. I have no one else to, like, phone a friend,” she said.
In a separate, hopeful post, Samara revealed the ways she has started moving on.
After she put her kids to bed, she cleaned and organized her bedroom, getting rid of her ex’s things that no longer served her.
She let herself unwind by watching "Bridgerton," an act of self-care that sparks joy and offers relief from “all the bad things in life,” however briefly.
“I felt better today, just thinking about the future and moving forward,” Samara said. "I'm doing what I got to do."
Moving on after a spouse leaves is never easy, whether it’s an abrupt change or a mutual decision.
Each day that follows any kind of emotional sea change, we come back to ourselves, even if it’s only in small ways. As we move farther away from the signposts of loss, we can rediscover who we are in the new version of our lives as they unfold.
Broken hearts need time to mend. Hopefully, Samara is treating herself gently while letting her heart heal.
Alexandra Blogier is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team. She covers social issues, pop culture, and all things to do with the entertainment industry.