My Ex-Husband Says I ‘Owe It To Him’ To Support His Unhoused Lifestyle

My ex-husband is down on his luck — he's unhoused and lives in his car. He spends most of his time badgering everyone he knows for money instead of looking for a job. Our last conversation was my final straw. He started like always, telling me he was broke, an opening for him to ask me to send him money. He doesn't like my response. I tell him I know the feeling; I’m also broke.

He told me I was “insulting his intelligence” as I have a home, food, and a job. Then he says I “owe” it to him to send him money as we share kids, and he supported me for part of our horrible marriage together.

That’s still a no! I told him that I refused to support a man who was capable of working and supporting himself. When I said that, he unraveled.

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Our Marital History

My ex and I met when I was 21. I was still reeling from a bad breakup with my first boyfriend. He was funny and kind, so I gave him a chance. I became pregnant with my oldest child within six weeks of meeting him. I didn’t even know the real him and the pregnancy trapped me. I stayed with him for 14 years. Every day of our marriage was awful. He had anger issues and was emotionally abusive.

After our divorce, he met his second wife. She was a nightmare. She was insanely jealous of me for no reason. She started cyberstalking me and creating fake Facebook profiles to message me with her nonsense. I ended up getting a restraining order on her.

They divorced last year after she got caught cheating on him. She brought her boyfriend to their shared home and allowed the new man to taunt my ex. He fell for it and lunged at them with a screwdriver in hand. The police responded to a 911 call and charged my ex with felony assault with a deadly weapon.

Since their divorce, my ex has been perpetually unhoused. He has failed to keep a job longer than a week or two. He claims he survived on donating plasma, but for some strange reason, he claims they banned him from donating for 90 days.

New Africa / Shutterstock

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My Ex Went Off The Rails

He messaged me on Facebook, which is his only mode of communication because he can't afford a phone. He begged me for money again. I politely said I couldn’t because my finances were tight. He blew up at me, claiming I was selfish. He says he worked hard for me all those years, and I cannot spare money for him.

First of all, I had to correct him. I always worked. I had to make my own money. I would feel terrible about myself if I didn’t contribute to the household.

“You are a selfish (expletive),” he said. I warned him that I would block him on social media if he continued to call me names since he tends to be verbally abusive.

“If you died, I would dance on your grave. You never change. You are an awful person.” That was his next message to me. 

“Look, I have difficulty understanding how you cannot do any job. Maybe you can’t do manual labor, but there are many jobs. And you have a college degree,” I responded.

He tells me I'm not listening to him, that his back hurts him too much, and that he’s waiting for Social Security to decide on his disability claim. He says he cannot work at any job. If he sits longer than 20 minutes, his back hurts. He cannot stand, either.

“This is why I don’t like talking to you. You are a (expletive), who is happy I’m in this situation.”

What he's saying isn't true. I continue to hope the father of my children will get on his feet to see his children and spend time with them. He can’t now. He doesn’t shower. There’s no room for the kids in his car since he lives in it.

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I Had To Block My Ex For My Sanity

I finally reached a breaking point with my ex. I told him to refrain from calling me names. I told him to keep it friendly, or I wouldn’t speak to him. I don’t need to talk to him. I have sole custody of the kids.

This is where I am the jerk in the story. I told him I wanted him to forget me and the kids existed. If he wants to see them when he gets his life in order, file with court, and we’ll work it out. Until then, no more messages. I'm so tired of his games. He doesn’t care about the kids. He only talks to me to try to swindle me out of money.

After thinking about it for a few minutes, I clicked the block button on Facebook. I refuse to have this interaction daily. My ex is doing nothing to better his life. I cannot offer any help to him — and it's not my job to do that. I'm proud of myself for not losing my cool with him. Two years ago, I would have argued with him about name-calling and treating me respectfully.

This time, I didn’t engage and blocked him. Time will tell how his story will play out. However, I chose peace and to avoid conflict. The only way to achieve mental peace was to block him and go no contact.

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Chrissie Massey is a writer who loves to share her life experiences with her readers. She has contributed to Yahoo News, Examiner, Inquisitr, Newsbreak, and Medium.