9 Effective Tips For Dumping Your Partner The Respectful Way
For starters: Never break up over text.
Keira Burton | Pexels Are you thinking about or planning to break up with your significant other sometime soon? Are you worried about how your significant other might respond? Are you wondering how to end the relationship in a respectful, dignified way?
Here are 9 effective tips for dumping your partner the respectful way:
1. Prepare your partner ahead of time
Drop hints that you aren't satisfied with your relationship. Have "relationship talks" or just ask leading questions from time to time. Stop spending so much time with your partner. And tone down the spending. If you buy your partner an expensive gift and then dump them, he/she won't know what to think.
2. Make sure your partner is the first to know you're calling it quits
If they find out from your friends (or worse, their friends) that the relationship is over and that you're moving on, your partner will hate you forever. Be honest with your partner and tell them that you care about them, but you're no longer in love with them.
3. Find a neutral place to end things
Your partner shouldn't have to live with the break up every day at their house, and when you break up at your place, you're shifting the power dynamic in your favor. So, when at all possible, break the news someplace neutral.
4. Be a caring, respectful human being and end it in person
You owe it to your partner to tell them that you don't want to see him/her any longer in person. Breaking up with someone over text message, e-mail, or — worse! — social media is just plain cowardice.
5. Don't complicate things
Tell your partner directly that you don't want to see them. Prepare to explain why, because they will ask, but don't feel that you have to relive the entire relationship through the breakup process.
6. Look at it from each perspective
View things from your partner's perspective and enable your partner to hopefully see your perspective on things as well. When you are viewing and communicating with your partner as a fellow human being with the same needs, fears, and emotions, your partner can cope with the breakup better because he/she will at least feel heard and respected.
7. If you want to end the relationship, end it
It's likely that your partner will ask you to reconsider. He/she might do this at the time you break up or through texts, calls and in-person meetings afterward. Remember that things aren't going to change if you get back together. There's a reason you want to break up, so stick with it.
8. Make sure the time is right
The reality is that there's never a perfect time to dump someone. However, there are times that are worse than others.
If you dump your partner before a major holiday (Christmas, Valentine's, Birthday, Anniversary), you're going to look like you just didn't want to buy a gift. Also, be sensitive to other stressors in his/her life. Don't dump him/her the week before a major career event or while his/her parent has gone into the hospital for triple bypass surgery. Suck it up and stay in the relationship for another couple of weeks.
9. Know that the breakup will make your partner upset
Regardless of how you go about breaking up with your partner, unless it is a mutual breakup, he/she will express anger, hurt, resentment, jealousy, and envy. Just be prepared for it.
Remember, it's tough either way when you decide to end the relationship, but by showing your soon-to-be ex some respect, you make it possible for their wounds to heal just a little bit quicker.
Aaron Kaplan is a Coach Training Alliance-Certified Coach (CTA-CC), Certified Prepare-Enrich Facilitator, and CDC Certified Divorce Coach, who also happens to be an ordained member of the clergy.