Divorced Woman Shares Why She Wishes She’d Been Warned Before Getting Married
"Getting married is not an accomplishment."
Trung Nguyen / Pexels A woman named Krystle recorded a TikTok about the ways our society upholds marriage as a woman’s ultimate accomplishment when really, getting married felt like a huge mistake.
The divorced woman shared why she wishes she’d been warned before getting married.
Krystle explained that she makes posts on TikTok that discuss marriage honestly, in an attempt to warn women about marriage “because quite frankly, nobody warned me at all.”
“Not one woman in my life ever warned me and looking back now, I can’t blame them, most of them were brainwashed and even maybe lying to themselves that they were happy,” she said. “But those women that weren’t happy or knew that was just gonna even be rocky, they just never spoke up.”
She shared an anecdote from when her best friend got married, explaining that the woman’s mother-in-law had told her to always keep their bank accounts separate.
“I remember being shocked,” she said, before acknowledging how “women need to get each other’s backs and that’s what she did for her.”
Krystle recounted that during her bachelorette party, a woman on the street noticed her wearing something that announced her status as a bride-to-be.
“She said, ‘Don’t do it,’ and I said, ‘That’s not a good sign.’ That’s the only woman that warned me.”
“My friends, my bridesmaids, they were just as delusional as me,” she continued. She noted how everyone seems to celebrate the idea of getting married, to the point where strangers will ask you when you’re getting married, which could be seen as a very invasive question.
Photo: Tien Dung / Pexels
“When my marriage was falling apart… I went to a bridal party because his brother was getting married and I just wanted to stay calm and I was supposed to be in the wedding, so I went to the bridal party,” she explained.
“I was sitting next to some older women and one lady was like, ‘You know, when I got married, and things were getting kinda rough, my dad just told me to lay in the bed that I made,’ and she stayed with her husband and I saw how her husband treated her,” she shared.
She endorsed the idea that women need to share the truth of what marriage is like to support each other.
“I love what’s happening here on TikTok,” she said. “I love that we’re talking and we’re telling the truth. I know it hurts.”
“The truth has to be told,” she continued. “I made mistakes. I was too young. I didn’t know any better. I was brainwashed. A lot of people just are brainwashed.”
Our society does seem to put romantic relationships on a pedestal, allocating more value to being in a partnership than any other form of relationship, like friendships, or even being single and satisfied.
“Sometimes marriages work out, but at least tell the truth about how hard it is and about how you shouldn’t jump into anything when you’re not financially or mentally or emotionally ready,” she said.
Photo: Jonathon Borba / Pexels
She reiterated how no one warned her, sharing that she was told marriage 'was going to be the greatest thing I’ve ever accomplished in my life.'
“It turned out to be the worst thing I’ve ever accomplished in my life,” she said, calling it “her biggest regret.”
“Getting married is not an accomplishment,” she concluded.
Many couples seem to focus on the wedding instead of what happens once they are married.
Therapist Jeff Guenther shared a list of questions he believes all couples should ask each other before entering into a legally binding marriage.
He suggested that partners ask each other if they have any doubts or fears about making the commitment, or if they’re sure they want to get married.
Another question he recommended that people ask each other covers a challenging but hugely important topic: “What do you consider cheating? Is it flirting, is it make-outs, is it a close emotional relationship with someone you could be attracted to?”
He also advised people to discuss money before getting married, especially whether they plan to combine their finances or keep them separate.
Another important question centered around how to improve communication with one another, which seems to be the goal of asking these difficult questions to begin with.
Marriage is about so much more than just love. It’s about merging the various aspects of your life. There are so many weighty expectations placed upon the institution of marriage that it’s not entirely surprising when marriage doesn’t last.
Just because two people love each other doesn’t mean that their marriage will automatically work out, especially if the people involved aren’t talking about the tough and vulnerable topics before they tie the knot.
Alexandra Blogier is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team. She covers social issues, pop culture, and all things to do with the entertainment industry.