14 Signs That A Man Has Emotionally Checked Out Of A Relationship, According To A Dating Expert
You can't make him any more available than he already doesn't want to be.
felixmizioznikov | Canva If there’s one issue that comes up again and again when I’m working with single clients, it’s the “unavailable man” dilemma. I’d say it’s the biggest issue women deal with when they’re out there dating.
Why are so many single men nowadays emotionally unavailable? According to research, it could be how they were raised. They are taught to push down their emotions as they grow older, to be considered 'men.'
And there are always signs, right off the bat — but when a woman is responding to a powerful attraction (“We have such chemistry!” “I feel like we’ve known each other forever!”), there’s a tendency to overlook things that shouldn’t be, and to, shall we say, “enhance” things that are not exactly there.
14 stunning signs that a man has emotionally checked out of a relationship:
1. He doesn’t follow through with what he said he would do
2. The amount of time he spends at work leaves little time for anything else
3. He lives very far away
I’m not a big fan of long-distance romances.
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4. The work he does is unfulfilling
Or worse — he hates what he does.
5. You notice that he is participating in bad habits way too often
6. He spends an inordinate amount of time with his parents
7. His divorce is not final
No matter what he says about where things are.
8. The way he talks about his ex reveals anger, resentment, blame, and no personal responsibility
9. He wants to spend 24/7 with you right away and is calling or texting several times a day
This one sounds like the opposite of unavailable, but think about it: he doesn’t even really know you yet, and he can’t get enough of you? Beware of the possibility of your ego’s glee at his obsession with you.
10. His financial situation is a disaster
Tricky these days with the economy the way it is.
11. He seems to be too needy of your approval, praise, etc.
Having said that, men are fueled by our approval, and we do want to shower men with that gift — just pay attention to how he is about this — insatiable is a bad sign that he doesn’t have it for himself…this can also show up intimately, by the way
12. After several dates, he’s still actively dating someone else
He doesn’t owe you exclusivity — as you don’t owe him, either — but after a certain point, you’re either ready for exclusivity, or you’re not.
13. You notice either by his car or his home that it looks like it belongs to a teenager
Again, this one’s tricky, but if he’s got trash all over the place, and it doesn’t look like he respects himself enough to take care of his things, that could spell trouble.
14. He is depressed and not taking care of it
It’s your call if you want to be with a man who has this issue, but if he’s not managing it with meds or professional help, you’re asking for trouble.
What can you do to control him emotionally checking out?
Now, the part that’s about you (we have to cover this part, of course, because it’s the part you have control over, and it’s the part that is creating the rest of it!).
You attract who you are (not who you want!)
There’s a powerful law of the universe (like gravity) that states that “like attracts like.” Don’t take it personally — just like you don’t take gravity personally. There's some truth to the correlation between positive thinking and getting what we want, says research.
So if you’re attracting men who fit any of those items listed above, what can you learn about yourself? After all, intimate relationships are our most powerful teachers/mirrors!
Check these out, and see if any ring true for you:
• Are you feeling unworthy of someone who is (and is ready for) what you really want?
• Is a part of you not fully available (whether there’s a man you’re still connecting with, you’re over-involved with family members, etc.)?
• Is a part of your life not working, and you’re hoping that you’ll attract a man who will ride into your life and take care of you? (Note: that’s very unlikely to happen unless you’re okay with being with a controlling man – who, if he’s like that, is probably not very confident…again, possibly a match for your lack of confidence?)
• Do you have a crutch or addiction that is in the way?
• Are you a “Chameleon Woman,” turning yourself into whatever you believe a man wants?
Don’t forget this powerful advice: be what you seek (as long as you’re being true to yourself and not being “Chameleon Woman”).
If you know and honor your authentic self, live a life that is aligned with who you are, and make choices that will make you happy/happier, it’s going to be highly unlikely that you’ll keep attracting men who aren’t available. After all, you’re not traveling on the same vibrational level anymore!
Karen Jones is a dating coach, mentor, relationship coach, speaker, and presenter.