5 Critical Ways To Reconcile After A Spouse Cheats
How to make sure your love can survive infidelity.
fotomaniya | Canva Cheating devastates a relationship. The effect of his behavior creates emotional heartache and discord within the relationship. A relationship is truly devastated.
Cheating is a common topic discussed among men and women. Why cheat? Why not just leave? But there is another resulting question — should you take him back? Will you turn a blind eye to cheating or walk away at the first sign?
This is a difficult decision to make until you are staring in its face. But, if you choose to continue a relationship after a bout of infidelity, there is hope.
I will forewarn you that there must be a strong willingness on both parts to repair the relationship for these tips to work.
Here are 5 critical ways to reconcile after a spouse cheats:
1. Forgive
One of the most difficult tasks is to forgive. Why is it so difficult though? Holding on to forgiveness eventually turns into bitterness, which is like drinking poison and wishing the other person would die.
Don't think forgiveness is for you? According to the results of a 2020 study, forgiveness was associated with subsequent improved psychosocial well-being and reduced psychological distress.
These negative feelings do more harm to you than anyone else. The best course of action is to deal with those emotions head-on and determine what it will take for you to forgive.
But as Mama always said, “Forgiving does not mean forgetting or lowering your standards. Know who you are and move on.” Do well for your emotional health and forgive him in your heart.
2. Release
If you made it to this step, that means you decided to forgive. Congratulations! Many people cannot forgive others for their actions. You also decided to continue with the relationship.
You have to let go of the feelings associated with the pain. You must let go of the past. I always tell people that you cannot move forward while staring out the rearview mirror.
Pexels / Markus Spiske
Take the emotional pressure off of you. Check your baggage at the door. Start anew. Release your feelings into the universe and move forward without looking back.
3. Communicate
Now that you’ve forgiven and released — regardless of how hard it is — you must discuss the reasons surrounding the infidelity. Was it pure selfishness, lack of self-control, or neglect within the relationship?
The details aren’t important here. The important issue is how to rectify the situation. When the issue rears its ugly head again, you should have a plan in place to overcome it rather than run from it. I’ll also add that communicating will result in some compromising, please be pliable.
4. Restore
This step takes considerable time and should be viewed as a work in progress. The most paramount piece to the relationship – trust – was tarnished. Invest your time wisely at this stage in re-igniting the flame of intimacy.
Reconnect with your partner and reclaim your space in each other’s hearts. Honesty is imperative, even about the smallest things. Trust is earned day-by-day and not restored with a simple (or elaborate) apology.
5. Commit
Commit to try again or walk away if the cheating returns. You must have a solid foundation in who you are as a person and what you deserve. There is nothing wrong with second chances. We all have needed one at some point in our lives.
Be clear on your expectations from your partner and the relationship. If your partner cannot commit to the relationship and safeguarding your feelings, you must remain strong and steadfast in your beliefs (even if that includes walking away).
While there are many examples of second chances gone wrong, there are just as many examples of love restored with a healthy loving relationship as the result. Know yourself and know your partner. You can’t force a square peg into a round hole. As I always say listen to your heart and follow your gut.
Listening to your gut can lead you to the right answers. In one study, that had experts examine fake and real handbags based on what they knew vs. their intuition, the experts using their intuitions were about 20% more accurate than those using analysis alone.
Senica Evans is a relationship coach, radio host, and speaker. She is the author of Married to Him.