You Can't Trust People With These 7 Quiet Personality Traits, Says Psychology
Put your observations to good use if their behavior becomes suspicious.
etonastenka | Shutterstock When you're first dating someone, it’s almost impossible to know in advance how likely they are to end up cheating on you in a marriage or long-term relationship.
If we could see acts of infidelity before they happened, we might make very different decisions about marriages and relationships altogether. If nothing else, we wouldn't be shocked to find out our partner had an affair.
People with certain personality types are more likely to cheat than others. It's something most of us understand intuitively, even if we can’t exactly explain it to anyone else, or even to ourselves.
After learning of an affair, many betrayed partners say things like, “I should have seen it coming.” Partners exhibiting certain dominant personality traits are likelier to cheat than others, although nothing can truly prepare you for the experience of infidelity, you can put your observations to good use if their behavior becomes suspicious.
Here are 7 quiet personality traits of people you can't trust, says psychology:
1. Narcissism
Narcissism isn't easy to define, as demonstrated in a 2010 study. Similarly, it can also be difficult to spot, especially during the early part of a relationship. Your partner might be a narcissist if they:
- Are egotistical
- Are self-absorbed
- Display a lack of empathy
- Are manipulative
Being romantically involved with a true narcissist is something else entirely. However, if your partner consistently displays the above traits, you should probably still be on your guard against the possibility of infidelity. It’s sad to say, but someone who’s this self-involved is capable of almost anything.
2. Flirtatiousness
Being attentive and charming is one thing, but persistent flirtatiousness can be a strong indicator of future infidelity. People who flirt a lot like to give and receive attention, sometimes at the expense of their partner's feelings.
While you probably shouldn't read too much into occasional flirting, it is something to be wary of if your relationship shows other signs of trouble.
3. Greediness
If your partner demonstrates greed in many of their dealings with others, it could be a sign of future infidelity, as supported by 2022 research. This is especially true if their greed is paired with a "grass is always greener on the other side" mentality.
These two qualities are unpleasant enough on their own. But when you find them merged within one person, they could comprise a disturbing tendency.
It’s an ugly truth to contend with, but some people believe they deserve more than others. The source of this sense of entitlement varies from person to person, but a partner who’s driven by greed is probably not a partner you should trust without justification.
4. Insecurity
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While a certain amount of self-doubt is reasonable and healthy, a partner with deep insecurities can be a real problem.
The Journal of Family Psychology shows how this is especially true regarding infidelity. In most cases, deep feelings of insecurity stem from large reserves of pain, and unfortunately, some people are willing to cheat on their partner to soothe this pain for a while.
That’s why it’s wise to watch out if your partner is excessively insecure. Someone who remains hurt for long periods might not think twice about hurting you.
All by itself, insecurity doesn't guarantee that your partner will be unfaithful. But it could be an indicator of future infidelity if it occurs in tandem with one or more of the other traits on our list.
5. Impulsiveness
A lack of impulse control is the hallmark of many cheating partners. Extremely impulsive people sometimes lack the discipline to make kind and loving choices.
This may or may not be a reflection of their core morality, but impulse control can be an indicator of infidelity. A study on impulse control helps us remember there’s a big difference between being "spontaneous" and lacking impulse control.
The first is a fun, energetic quality to have, while the second can be a sign of pathology. But like many of the traits on our list, impulsivity doesn't guarantee infidelity all by itself.
6. Permissive toward infidelity
Some people have more libertine attitudes toward relationships than others. While the origins of these attitudes can be difficult to trace, a partner with a permissive stance toward infidelity might be cause for suspicion.
If this permissive attitude merely means your partner is non-judgmental, there might not be anything to worry about. But, if this permissive stance extends beyond the philosophical realm, it could be an indicator of infidelity.
Remember, people tell us who they are with their attitudes, words, and actions. For self-preservation, it’s always a good idea to listen to what your partner has to say.
7. Excessively suspicious
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It’s an old saying that cheaters think everyone else is a cheater, too. If your partner constantly thinks you’re cheating on them, it could be a sign that they’re likely to be unfaithful themselves.
You should be especially careful if these suspicions arise out of nothing or become a dominant theme of your relationship. We all get jealous or suspicious at times, but neither of these is the defining trait of a healthy person.
An honest partner won’t accuse you of being unfaithful because they don’t sense such deceitful tendencies floating around in their own heart.
This is an important fact to remember as you apply this new knowledge to your relationship. No one is perfect. Your partner is bound to exhibit a version of these traits at one time or another, but this doesn't mean they’re going to cheat on you.
Regarding the possibility of cheating, the significance of these personality traits is always contextual. We’re all insecure, greedy, or impulsive at times, but if these traits are (or become) defining qualities of your partner, there might be trouble ahead.
Lastly, the worst-case scenario is one in which your partner suddenly starts to manifest several of these traits simultaneously. That’s when it might be time to start taking stock.
C. Mellie Smith is a relationship and infidelity expert who uses her expertise to offer programs and tools to help other couples dealing with infidelity.