10 Essential Boundaries Divorced Women Must Establish Before Dating Again
How to protect your heart, and your kids, when dating again.
Anna Pou | Pexels As a single mom, getting back into the dating world can be a little overwhelming. After all, as a single parent, dating someone new comes with a lot of restrictions and boundaries that you likely didn't have the last time around.
One of the most important parts of dating as a single mom, however, is learning how to set boundaries in dating to protect yourself and your kids in the future. Setting boundaries might even be the most important piece of dating advice for a single parent looking for love to follow.
Here are 10 boundaries divorced women must establish before dating again:
1. Let go of guilt
You don’t owe your children a lifetime of abstinence from having a new partner to share your life.
2. Make sure your kids are protected
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Don’t rush into a commitment or trust your date with your kids. Your date should not meet your children for at least four months or until you are in a committed relationship.
One study done by dating app Even shows that single parents wait 6 months before introducing their significant other to their kids. Never allow your date access to your children without you being there.
3. Don’t lose yourself in the relationship
If you dislike football, then don’t go to football games every weekend just because he likes it. This makes you look too eager, and eager can be misconstrued as desperate or co-dependent.
4. Don’t tell your kids all the details
Especially at the beginning of your relationship. This is a friend, not their new daddy.
5. Put your kids first
Your child’s school performance is more important than a weekend away. If your date doesn’t honor this or deal with it maturely, he may not be ready for you.
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6. Keep your boundaries strong
You’ve come a long way; prioritize what is most important for you. Don’t give in to someone because you are afraid of being alone. Research from 2023 found that learning to be alone can help reduce stress and let you feel free to be yourself.
7. Don’t panic if your kids treat your date badly
Especially the first time they meet him. They may be threatened they are losing you. The more you reassure them beforehand that you will always love them and be there for them, the better they will adjust.
8. Make the first meeting with your children casual and easy
9. If your children do become attached to your partner but you don’t let him go. Children should never be placed in a situation where their feelings are what keep two people together.
If that had worked the first time, you wouldn’t have an ex. Your children will adjust and do better the happier and more fulfilled you are.
10. Know what you don't want
With motherhood comes wisdom, but when you are head over heels infatuated with someone, you often don’t rely on the wisdom inherent in motherhood. Sometimes knowing what you don’t want helps you find what you do.
The majority of single moms do get married to wonderful partners. Don’t let your lack of confidence or low self-esteem discourage you from dating or allow you to settle for someone to avoid being alone.
If you’re a single mom, you are capable of running a home, raising a family, and achieving what you prioritize. Never lower your standards when you can inspire someone to respect and live up to yours.
Mary Jo Rapini MEd, LPC is a psychotherapist, author, speaker, and intimacy counselor.